Bare Naked Truth

I was running! (please read in your best Forest Gump impression:) )

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:14:00 +0000

Warning: this blog may initially seem like it doesn't have a point but it does. So make sure you keep reading through all the initial runing stuff. :) )

I went for a run this morning. The miracle in that is I wasn't running a race. I hate running in the morning so about the only time I do it is if I'm in a race. Yet somehow when I woke up I got this crazy idea that I might actually enjoy a run. Besides the fact that it would be a morning run I was suprised at my desire to get out so early because my last run was 30 minutes of wind sucking torture (this irked me greatly because the day before I ran a decent paced 6 miles with little trouble). However, with little thought or hesitation I found myself going straight from PJs to running gear. You can probably guess what happened...the run was great. When I finished and was doing my walking cool down I got the chance to soak in the post-run feeling I love so much--hot, sweaty (not a great look for me, let me tell ya), muscles aching, endorphins rushing, and the feeling that my body had just been cleansed of all the crap I ate the evening before (should've known better than to buy those peanut butter M&Ms!). When I got back in the house I sat down to rest and began wondering what pace I kept throughout the run, and ended up with a lovely realization. It went something like this: "I wonder how fast I was running. I know it wasn't as fast as a few years ago. Then again, I'm not as crazy as I was a few years ago either." This thought made me laugh, and it also gave God a chance to make His point about this morning run.

Alright, so here's the point of the run and this blog.

For the past 4 years running has been very much a spiritual experience for me. Spiritual in the sense that God has shown me many things about myself through running. This morning it was all about learning to listen when He prods me to do something (yes, I believe he prodded me to run this morning...don't necessarily feel like He does that with all details of my life all the time but He did this morning). He may be asking me to do something I've done before and maybe that something left a bad taste in my mouth the last time, but He's asking me to trust that if He's the One leading me there then I can trust it to be ok. Just as my run ended up being great in spite of the circumstances I can trust that whatever He asks me to do will be great in spite of past or present circumstances. The other thing He spoke to me is in regard to that thought process regarding my pace. Now, there are a gazillion lessons packed up in this one that God has taught me about myself but I'll just stick to what He showed me today. 4 years ago I got on a ridiculous running kick that was stimulated by an event that showed me just how much I really don't have control over my life and what happens in it. The result was lots of stress and anxiety, and therefore lots of crazy-paced running. Recently I've been again walking through some things that again show me that I don't have complete control over what happens in my life. Initially the result was stress and anxiety but because of those lessons of the past I was able to handle things healthier quicker than a few years ago; therefore not as much running and certainly not that crazy pace I once enjoyed (yes, I enjoyed it...I'm competitive with myself after all!). God was graciously showing me this morning where I am in the process of being a healthier person and more like the one He intended me to be. It's almost ridiculous to me how much God loves me in this moment. He ever so gently showed me so many lessons through things that I love and brought encouragement to my soul. Doesn't this make you want to go out for a run now? ;)

Are you sure this is the only way to do this?

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:44:00 +0000

The question that is my title for this blog is one I'm asking of God these days as He prepares me for a new season. Ya see, I've entered what we in the Christian world like to call "refining". This is the tame term we like to put on a process that is usually quite wretched for the one being refined. I'm thinking about initiating a change in the Christian terminology for this season to a phrase that is more realistic. I vote that instead of using the word "refine" we call this the "season of schizophrenia." Hang with me a second and you'll see it really fits. Schizophrenia is defined as being characterized by withdrawal from reality, illogical patterns of thinking, delusions, and hallucinations, and accompanied in varying degrees by other emotional, behavioral, or intellectual disturbances. When I think about my seasons of refinement in the past as well as this current season, this description totally fits. As God begins to show me things inside myself and way of thinking that He wants to change I start out feeling pretty excited to hear His voice and anticipate the change He is about to do that will make me more like Jesus. However, as time goes on I begin to see just how much of my way of thinking is off and also that I really am not as excited to give it up as I thought. This is the withdrawal from reality and illogical pattern of thinking phase. I find myself just wanting to get away from the truth He is showing and I may walk that illogical pattern of thinking that holds onto my beliefs and way as being right. If I hold too tightly to the illogical pattern of thinking or withdraw too long from the reality He's trying to lead me into, I then enter the delusions phase. The delusion usually involves me thinking that I've got it under control and that my way of thinking really will still work just as well as the way of thinking He's trying to transform my mind to. The varying degrees of emotional, behavioral or intellectual disturbances is present throughout the entire process. I may find that one moment I'm so excited that the God of the universe is speaking to me and being near me, and the next moment I may be telling Him to back up off this territory of my heart because He's hurting me a little too much. My behavior can go from one of worship to distancing myself from Him for fear of what He may say or try to change next. I think the intellectual disturbance part is pretty obvious...I'll teeter back and forth from my personal knowledge of His faithfulness to stay with me and the truth that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine to this crazy thought that He's just out to take everything that I hold dear away from me. So you see that schizophrenia and refinement really aren't so far off from each other :) Don't be scared. I have no intention of turning my back on God just because He's doing some crazy tough things inside of me. However I also wanted to be quite bare and naked before you about my struggle in refinement so maybe you would feel the freedom to feel the same way. Luckily for us all God is able to handle our wrestling. I may be "schizophrenic" in my walk about 50% of the time right now but the other 50% of me is fully hopeful that this season will make me better able to walk in the season that's coming soon.

Bigger than Me

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:37:00 +0000

Friday night a good friend and I went to listen to a band from Toronto called Red Rain. I'd never heard of them but liked them right away. A line from one of their songs hit me. It was simply this: "This is way, way, way, way, way bigger than me." It got sutck in my head partially because of the obvious repetition. They sung that line 3 times in 30 seconds at one point which means I heard the word "way" quite a bit. It was fitting for them to say that word in particular so much. Think about it--why do we repeat things? We do it to make sure the listener gets it that this is a main or important point. It's a way of conveying the magnitude of something. In the case of this song and this line, the writers/singers were trying to make it understood that this life we live in and that God is authoring isn't just big; it's not just a little bigger than my little self (and all my little dreams, desires, problems, etc); it's way, way, way, way, way bigger than me. On a smaller "me" scale I received some comfort in that. I was reminded that in the midst of the loads of questions I have for God about why He has orchestrated my life the way He has the past several months, the reasons are bigger than just me. Partly because His reason for doing things hasn't been done in the vacuum of my life alone (meaning His actions are a result of His work in the lives of others around me), and partly because His modus operandi is for His glory (which happens to be way, way, way, way, way over my head). On a more global scale, His unfathomable ways comfort me as I read through a book that completely exposes (in detail) the pain of girls caught in the viscious cycle of sex traffiking, loss of innocence of Ugandan children forced to murder, the hopelessness of men and women forced into back-breaking labor to pay an unpayable debt and the stark, seemingly unstoppable evil of the oppressors. Though sometimes I really don't get God's thought processes when it comes to my own pain or the pain of others, I do have a baseline trust in His love. So I'm glad to know that in the midst of all the unexplainable crap of this world I can lean on the truth that it and He are way, way, way, way, way bigger than me.

Ah-ha Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:53:00 +0000

Don't you love light bulb moments from God? I had such a one this past Saturday. It had been a long week for me emotionally (for lots of reasons that I'll spare details on for brevity sake) and I had just gotten off work. I was feeling like it may be best for me to be around people as opposed to being in my house all evening, letting my mind get sucked into that not so helpful cycle of analyzing and over-analyzing. Only one problem...didn't seem to be anyone to hang out with. I made a few phone calls and sent a couple texts with the result being unavailable people or just having to leave voice mails in the hope of a return call. It was a beautiful (and that may be an understatement) afternoon and I had already decided I was going to take my new bike out for its first ride so I figured that would give people time to call me back, and it would keep me from having to wait in my house where the viscious analyzation cycle takes place. So I hopped onto my bike and headed north on the monon. For several blocks (ok, so all the way from 51st street to about 106th) I was kind of in a negative mode of thinking and really not getting full enjoyment from the ride. I was having a nice pity party for the fact that I didn't seem to have any friends (yes, an exaggeration). At about 106th street I ran into the park that had been in progress of being built the last time I was in the area (quite a while ago) and was now finished. I welcomed the new thing to explore and got off the monon to head through the park. As I was riding I began to really take in just how gorgeous the day was, how perfect the temperature was, and how this little park made me truely feel like I was out in God's creation. And then I caught myself thinking the following thought..."I wish I had someone to share this with." And not a split second later came the response from God..."What about Me?" Ouch! That question was followed by an explanation from Him that He had actually created that moment for me. The amazing day, the new bike to take out for a ride, getting off work early enough to enjoy being outside, how being outside just spoke to and resonated with my spirit...He'd created all of it for that space of time for me to enjoy...with Him. All of a sudden I re-realized that lesson I mentioned in a recent blog about how God has been speaking to me through Romans 12:2 and how my mind needs to be transformed and renewed. It clicked just how much I conform to the pattern of this world that I must have a human being to share all meaningful experiences with. Yet here my God was showing me that He knows my heart, what I love, the things that refresh me and He wants to not only give those things to me but He wants to SHARE them with me. The rest of that ride had a totally different feel to it. There was a different level of enjoyment to it and I became ok with the possibility that the rest of the evening may not be spent in the presence of another person, but rather it might just be spent chilling and relaxing with my God. It was certainly a nice ah-ha and one I look forward to God speaking more to in the coming days and weeks.

Are we there yet???

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 23:09:00 +0000

When I was growing up my family and I went on vacations every summer to somewhere in the USA. Since we're a family of 5 we didn't fly...we always drove. That made for a LOT of driving when travelling to places like Colorado. My sisters and I were the typical impatient car travellers (and if you've ever driven through Kansas you would know why), frequently asking the ever common "Are we there yet?" and "How much longer?" type of questions. My dad's response most times was on the lines of this "Sit back, relax, enjoy the ride and I'll tell you when we get there." A few years ago or so I was struggling with something that involved me not knowing answers about what was coming in the future. I can't remember the specific situation, but I do know for sure I wasn't doing so well with the waiting God was having me do. I know I was going to Him with similar questions of "how much longer" while also using the same whiny voice I used with my dad when I was trying to get him to give me answers regarding the proximity to our destination. As I was struggling with the waiting God reminded me of my dad's response. And then He made it clear that my dad's response was the same one that applied to my journey with Him. Well, I'm back on a journey of waiting again. I have brewing within me a significant restlessness that I really don't know what to do with. I believe I've started on a new journey to something new, and I'm yet again asking God "how much longer" before I get some new direction or instructions. And He's yet again giving me the same answer...."sit back, relax, enjoy the ride and I'll tell you when we get there". I'd like to say that after hearing God tell me that multiple times as I've entered new seasons in the last 5 years that I'm doing a good job sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the journey but I would be betraying my blog title if I said that. But then, tomorrow is a fresh day with a fresh start and a fresh attempt at enjoying the journey, and He did say His mercies are new every morning...so there's hope for me yet:)

Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 02:23:00 +0000

Welcome to another blog entry inspired by music. The song is "Everything" by Tim Hughes. I was listening to this song for the millionth time today (it was literally on repeat for my entire trip from home to work this morning) when something about it hit me at a deeper level. I began thinking about the level of detail involved in declaring God to be in my breathing, sleeping, and thinking (and by thinking I don't mean those moments of deep contemplation but the moments where the thoughts are random). Some Christians might say that focusing on God in every thought, breath, moment of sleep or aspect of work is over-spiritualizing things. And to those people I would say, "You've obviously never struggled with depression before." This is one of those moments where I don't want to live up to my blog's name but will choose to lay aside my pride and do it anyway. Only because the topic is one that still hits my pride where it hurts. Since about 2005 I've been dealing with the fact that depression is a recurrent struggle I have. For me it's not every single moment or day of my life. It comes more in seasons. Sometimes I know the instigator and sometimes I don't. There's a lot in regard to this part o fmyself that I'm still trying to figure out but 2 things I know: 1)I don't like how it makes me feel so unlike my true self and 2)It is absolutely necessary that God is in every single moment of that season of lows. I can't even begin to imagine how I would get thorugh a day during a low without inviting God to be in each moment. Some days I'm not sure if I would be able to function well if I didn't. This leads me to another part of the song that I feel such joy in my spirit each time I hear and sing along with it. The line is "Christ in me the hope of glory." As a human and apart from Christ I'm totally defeated when it comes to this issue. But when I invite Christ in there's not only hope, but hope of glory. That goes far and away beyond simply getting through the day and speaks to the possibility of actually being able to add something positive to my part of the world. I by no means have it all figured out when it comes to working through the blue funk (see one of my really early blogs to clear up confusion on that term) but praise God there's hope.

Help my unbelief!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:05:00 +0000

If you would've asked me earlier this year if I believed in God's love for me I would've said without hesitation, "Absolutely!" After all, hadn't He just taken me through an amazing time of service in South Africa, walked with me faithfully through some tough healing, provided me with tons of great travelling experiences, etc? "Of course I know He loves me" I would tell you. Not to mention I've been through some tough, heart-breaking experiences in the past 10 years including my mom's death, hard core battling against anorexia and head on combat with depression. I've seen God work and move faithfully in so many ways. "Yep, no question. I know God loves me." A few months ago I was arguing with God (that's right, the same God that I claim to know loves me) and out of my heart comes anger. I began accusing God of mishandling my heart. As I spewed forth those accusations God spoke ever so gently and told me to think about what I was saying. He reminded me that the enemy is an accuser and I was going right along with him in making Him out to be a conniving Deity that is out to do what He will with me without a single thought for who I am and what I want. In that moment I had a realization--I don't really belive God's love for me. All these years I've told myself I get it and I really do believe He loves me but there has been evidence of many times when I felt the sting of disappointment in unmet expectations, and my first reaction has always been to be angry with God. Why? Because I really didn't trust His love for me. This time as God reminded me that the accuser was getting the better of what I knew to be true I felt my heart soften. For the first time I began having a new outlook on Him and even a new trust in the indescribable depth of love He has for me. A few weeks ago He impressed on my heart Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed any longer to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; His good, pleasing and perfect will." Since He first impressed that verse on me He has since revealed that the way He is calling me to have a transformed and renewed mind is to change my outlook on how much He really loves me and longs to satisfy my heart, along with all it's desires. And not the kind of satisfaction that comes by simply giving me all my desires, but the kind that comes simply from Him giving Himself to me. This is not an easy mind-shift to make. I've been seeing just how much I've been conforming to the pattern of this world in believing that I know God loves me when my expectations are met and when I want them met. It's actually kind of scary how much I've conformed to that pattern. I invite you to do some heavy inspection of your own heart.
When you say you know God loves you, is it really just lip service? Are there times in your life when God didn't show up the way you expected and the ache of disappointment outweighed your previous confessions of knowledge of His love? Would you really be satisfied if it was just you and Him, or do you know their would be pieces of your heart, of yourself that would be distracted by the other things you want out of life? Harsh questions? If you really do ask them, yes they're harsh. I'm feeling the sting of them as God presses in to help me fully believe what it means to be loved by Him. On the other hand, I'm feeling something else as well. It's summed up in a verse that I'll close this entry off with. Praying that His love becomes more real to you than it ever has!

He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Trusting the Rule Maker

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 13:26:00 +0000

I was reading this morning in Mark 9:19-29 about the healing of the young boy with a demon. In the passage it talks about how the disciples tried to give it a go driving the demon out but were unsuccessful. Jesus shows up and gets the job done. The disciples expressed to Jesus confusion at why they were unable to do this and His reply is "This kind can come out only by prayer." (v.29) As I read this verse I began to wonder if in hearing this the disciples didn't think "Stop changing the rules Jesus!". I'm not going to lie, if I were them that's what I'd be thinking. After all, at this point He had given them "authority to drive out evil spirits" (Matthew 10:1) and they had already been actively doing just that. Now here they are in a situation where they find themselves unsuccessful and Jesus tells them that it's because they were doing it wrong. Seems a little frustrating. I kind of feel like that's what happens in my life sometimes. I feel like I'm on track. I'm seeking the Lord, He's working, I'm being obedient to whatever He's calling me to on this part of my journey, and then it happens. Something unexpected pops up, a disappointment hits a deep place in my heart, I feel the sting of unmet desires and expectations. That's when I want to say "Stop changing the rules Jesus!" Recently I've been playing a song over and over that addresses this issue. The name of it is...wait for it...."God Moves in Mysterious Ways." The part that's been speaking the most to my own somewhat confused spirit follows:

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense

But trust Him for His grace

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face

His purposes will ripen fast

Unfolding every hour

The bud may have a bitter taste

But sweet will be the flower

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain

God is His own interpreter

And He will make it plain

In His own time

In His own way...

Honesty compels me to confess that my least favorite part of those lyrics is the fact that God is His own interpreter and He'll make it plain when He's good and ready. However, my own life experience (short though it may be) also compels me to admit that it's true that I'm judging the journey He lays out for me with some quite feeble sense; and that many times I've seen evidence of His smiling face and the sweetness of the flower (even in the midst of the bitterness). So as much as I want to question God's rules of the game for my life at this particular moment I'm going to choose to sit still and let God unfold what He will when He's ready. I look forward to maybe telling you about it on here someday.

So maybe that's what faith is...

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:43:00 +0000

As you've probably noticed from my last couple of blogs God is doing some speaking and refining in me these days. As rough as it has been some days and moments I'm excited to be hearing the voice of God speak so clearly so frequently right now. The moments when I haven't been so excited involve moments when I'm highly frustrated, anxious and even just a little mad when I don't quite see the fruit of my obedience to His specific commands to me. I am the impatient sort, no doubt. (If I'm told to do something, especially if God told me, then I expect a result. Not necessarily a bad expectation but my problem comes when I put a timeline on the result. But that's really a different blog.) I want to see God move in response to my obedience to Him. But because He's not responding here recently in the timeline I anticipated I've been frustrated down to the deepest parts of my soul. My response to that has been going to sisters in Christ that I can trust for good counsel, lots of prayer, more prayer and meditation in the Word. Even after that I've still found myself crying out for God to move before I lose it altogether. This was especially bad last night. It was to the point where the only thing I could say was "Do something quick God!" As my day went on today I was blessed by the distraction of work. And by the time I got home I noticed a calm in my spirit. As I thought back over the day, the previous evening and other moments of frustration in the past couple days I had a realiztion. Even though I was really battling with my flesh I never left being obedient to what God has told me to do so far. I realized that even though I was crying out, I was also walking in faith. It occurred to me that my view of faith is largely a vision of people who hear God and quietly accept His commands and are able to surrender all their anxieties to Him after maybe a small battle. Whoever said that it's not faith if you have to struggle, get frustrated and do a whole lot of crying out? In some ways, I think staying faithful in those moments when you're flesh is screaming to do the opposite may be more purely faith than when it comes without quite as much of a struggle. I'm encouraged. Thank You Jesus.

Taste and See

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:14:00 +0000

In the devotional I did this morning the reference is Luke 8:26-39. It's the story of Jesus casting out of a man a legion of demons, and sending them into a herd of pigs that then plunged to their death. As the people in the nearby town heard what Jesus had done verse 37 states "...the people of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear." I don't know about you but whenever I read that verse I wonder why they were afraid. Why would they ask the Son of God to leave when they had just seen a work of his healing and freeing power in one of their own? My journey with God this week shows I've been a bit of a hypocrite toward the Gerasenes people. This week God has challenged me in regard to something in my "possession" (and I use that word loosely...especially after this week). It's something that's perfectly fine, not evil or intended for evil. Yet as I saw Jesus approaching this thing of mine from a distance I all of a sudden found myself overcome with fear. Like the Gerasenes people I wanted to ask Him to leave. Thankfully He didn't, but it took me a day or 2 to open my hands and stop grasping what was in my possession so Jesus could take a look and see how I was handling it. Through spending much time in His presence God showed me many things about what I was holding, bringing healing and freedom through truth. The whole process made me take a good hard look at how I view God, His love for me and His goodness. This morning after I read the previous mentioned passage I decided to do a word study on "good", in the context of God being good. I came across Psalm 34:8 which says "Taste and see that the Lord is good...". This lead to some thoughts. First off, this concept of tasting indicates an active experience of Him. If I want to know a food is good to me I'm not going to base that only on the presentation of the food or someone elses response to it. I can't tell it's good just by standing at a distance and observing. Instead, I'm going to take a risk, taste it, and experience it for myself. The same with Jesus. I can stand at a distance and see what He's doing for others and say it's good, but I can't know that about Jesus in my own life until I engage myself in experiencing Him. Just as with food, there's a risk. With food I don't know what taste is going to hit my tongue, and with Jesus I don't know what experiences I'll get on my way to seeing that He is indeed good. So I'm now holding much more loosely this thing in my life that I've allowed God to get fully involved in. I'm choosing to let Him be totally in the middle of it and to do with it what He will. I'm still not sure what experiences are going to come to me as I continue to surrender it to Him but I do know that in the end I will taste and see that He is good.

Housecleaning

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 01:32:00 +0000

I have a confession. I have a bad habit. A habit of letting the cleanliness of my house slip to the point where the grime and dust actually make me feel uncomfortable being there. Recently my house had gotten to that point. I'm sure in the previous weeks (since the last cleaning) I had plenty of opportunities to prevent things from getting to this point but I always had a reason not to..."I'm too busy", "This is my only day off and I want to use it to rest", or "I just don't want to." Yeah, just not a big fan of housecleaning. This week something happened that lit a fire under my butt. My landlords are trying to sell the house and someone wanted to come look at it. Since I think my landlords are great and I know they want this house off their hands I all of a sudden had some new motivation to clean. As I got the process started of cleaning crumbs off the kitchen counter and organizing the clutter on tables an anticipation started to bud. As I wiped down mirrors and began to sweep, the possibilities of a clean house began to grow. And as I finally finshed the task of mopping all my hardwood floors the reality of cleanliness finally set in. When I finished I remember thinking "Things feel so good when they're organized and in their place."

Recently I've been playing and replaying a song by Sanctus Real called "Whatever You're Doing". There's a line that goes "It's time to face up. Clean this old house. Time to breathe in and let everything out." Just like I had to face up to the fact that I needed to clean my house to help it be more marketable for my landlords I've reached a point in the past week where I had to face the fact that some things inside me needed cleaning. Over the years (I don't know how many years) I allowed some very obstructing dirt and grime gather in places in my heart. It was subtle and it was gradual...kinda like the dust on my hardwood floors. Just like the process of cleaning my house this time around, a motivating factor lit a fire in my heart that there was work to do. This time however, the work isn't mine. Jesus is the one doing the cleaning. He's gently yet firmly revealing to me the places the dirt has settled and what kind of dirt it is. He's showing me how to face up to it and what is necessary to clean it up. Even after 2 days of this heart cleaning I'm amazed at how much cleaner and lighter things feel inside of me. Things are getting organized and put in their place...and it feels good. I'm starting to be able to breathe and let it out. I'm aware that Jesus isn't done heart cleaning. There's still some residual dust and dirt underneath some places in my heart that needs to be dealt with. But it's ever so worth the work to get everything back in the place God intended it.

Psalm 51 Thoughts and a Confession

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:14:00 +0000

Have mercy on me , O God, for my selfishness.
According to Your steadfast love and abundant mercy blot out my self-consumption.
Wash me thoroughly from pride and cleanse me from my high and mighty thoughts of myself.
For I know how I think more of me than You, and this is ever before me.
Against You, You only have I caused pain and heartache.
Behold, I was brought forth in intolerance and impatience, and in unwarranted self-righteousness did my mother conceive me.
Behold, You delight when I own up and fess up, and I finally let Your wisdom sink in deep in my heart.
Purge my ugliness with Your infinite beauty and I shall be clean;
wash me with Your grace and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness in the freedom You've given me;
let the parts of me that have been broken from pride and self-seeking rejoice.
Hide Your face from my critical spirit and blot out all my tendencies to control things.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from the peace of Your presence, and take not the counsel of the Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation from myself and uphold me with a willing spirit to surrender to You.
Then I will teach other people who share my brokenness Your ways, and together we'll return to You.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation and my tongue will sing aloud of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips so that I will give credit where it's due and praise You.
For You will not delight in my ever-inadequate sacrifice, or I would give it;
You will not be pleased with my measly peace offering.
The sacrifice You cherish is my broken spirit;
my broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

God is with me.

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 14:18:00 +0000

I just noticed that I've been a blogger for a little over a year now. It's interesting to think back to the journey that pushed me to start it, all the things I've blogged about and to look at where I am now. I'm pleasantly overwhelmed these days at God's goodness. Not goodness as defined by those who promote prosperity gospel type messages where everything is going my way and I'm walking down the street whistling a happy tune. Goodness in the sense that God is with me. Preparing to live in another country, being immersed in a culture counter-intuitive to who I am, walking through some deep spiritual battles (mine and others), returning home and trying to acclimate to changes that happened behind my back :)...none of this was easy. At least half of the time these things were downright painful. Yet, God was (and is) with me. He comforted me beyond what words can describe when my heart was lonely or breaking. He taught me. He spoke to me. He healed me. He was with me. He is with me. Can you wrap your head around the depth of this? Don't read this sentence in the simplicity of the 4 little words that comprise it. Read it in the light of your life, your struggles, your heartbreak, your victory, your pain, and your laughter. Repeat it to yourself and let it sink in. The more I repeat it to myself right now the more my heart appreciates the full message of it. Right now in my life I'm in a mixed phase. There's a vast amount of joy in my heart as I'm living in freedom in who I am in ways that I've NEVER had before. It's so beautiful. At the same time I'm walking in a place where a job that has created a family in my co-workers and a ministry I'm passionate about in treating my patients may be taken away from me. The thought of it has broken my heart yet God is reassuring me that He is with me. With that reassurance I'm able to continue enjoying the freedom while resting in His presence as He comforts and reassures that He's on it and has a plan. Do you have this? Are you able to walk in this peace and reassurance? He is with you. You may be walking through or have walked through things that make it hard to believe this but I'm asking you to take a risk and sit still. To really think about your life circumstances. You might suddenly see how He's been there. Or maybe you just need to take a risk to let Him be there and see what He does. I pray that you'll be able to rest in His presence in the end.

It's ugly, and a bit like a mini-sermon

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 11:57:00 +0000

It's been a while since I blogged anything. Mostly because I'm not a good "casual" blogger. I don't do a very good job taking the routine things of my life and making it interesting enough for the world to read. I feel like it has to be something deep. I recently realized I actually have tons to blog about since I've been processing and analyzing a lot as I continue to readjust to life in the USA. I just didn't want to write about it because some of it is a little ugly. Then I reminded myself of my blog name--bare naked truth. I've been holding back from living up to that title by not sharing the nitty gritty of some of my emotions these days. So ready or not, here it comes.

In a nutshell, I've been mad at God. Mostly because I've been lonely for the past few months. Or rather because I've been lonely and not feeling adequately comforted by Him. While I was in South Africa all (yes all--I'm not exaggerating) of my closest relationships changed. Not good for a person who invests deeply in a few relationships and doesn't tend to have multiple casual relationships to call on. Coincidentally, or maybe as a result?, my singleness has also been an issue. I've prided myself (oops) on how well I've handled my singleness over the past several years with a degree of contentment and by not putting my life on hold until it can be shared with a man. While I'm still not putting it on hold, I'm also not handling things like travelling with contentment (my solo 36 hour journey to Russia was downright painfully lonely at times). I've never felt the ache of singleness in this way. I don't even know how to approach it as I'm seemingly inconsolable by wise words from friends and currently pressing into God gets me only so far. Now, before you jump on the bandwagon of "God is your everything", "Keep pressing in", "press in harder", "He's teaching you something",etc. let me just say "Shut up". :) Just kidding...kinda ;) True as these words may be they're really not helpful. In fact, not only do I (and many others who go through this or any other pain for that matter) already know it but some of us are even already doing exactly what we need to do to "get through it". Yet we still hurt. Sometimes, I think the only answer is to just let it hurt. Yuck. As I write this I'm reminded of the night Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus was obviously feeling the pain of His calling in those moments (In the ESV Matthew 26:38 and Luke 14:32 He says, "My soul is very sorrowful, even to death." Ouch!). He even took a stab at getting out of it altogether. Mark 14:36 indicates He bluntly stated "Remove this cup from me" and then indicates He prayed it a 2nd time. Luke 22:43 says that an angel appeared to strengthen Him, but then v.44 follows with the statement that He was still in agony and prayed more earnestly so that His sweat became like drops of blood. Jesus was inconsolable too! I think anyone reading these verses would agree that Jesus was pressing into His heavenly Father (just like we all advise one another to do in hardship) yet He still hurt like crazy. When I add to that the reality that this life on earth is so incomplete and at times, well, crappy in comparison to the eternity we're created for it all of a sudden doesn't feel so strange that we would have pain that is inconsolable. There's still too much separation between what God meant for us when we were first created and what is during this life on earth. In light of that, it's not so shocking that we would all feel pain that won't go away quickly, easily or with the usual words of advice. As I think of all this I'm slightly comforted for the 1st time in a few months. Jesus, my great High Priest, gets my inconsolable pain. Hmmm...interesting. I'm not so mad any more. Still a little achy and I'm sure in later moments I'll be really achy, but not mad.

Music and Lyrics

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 01:16:00 +0000

We stand and lift up our hands.

For the joy of the Lord is our strength.

We bow down, and worship Him now.

How great, how awesome is He.

------------------------------------------

Name above all names.

You are worthy of all praise.

My heart will sing how great is our God.

What's listed above are the lyrics to 2 songs I sang in 2 different churches this weekend. I've sung them both many times and, in all honesty, probably wasn't fully thinking about what I was singing. This time after I sang them I had some thoughts; especially for the first one listed above. As I listened to a man speak about his ministry to the homeless and forgotten in Toronto I began to wonder something. I began to wonder if the Christians who sing this song in very comfortable churches, with the temperature set just right, the padding on the chairs, good friends nearby and no fear of retaliation for worshipping God really understand what it means for the joy of the Lord to be their strength. Do we really understand how great and awesome God is when we're fully able to go out and make enough money not only to meet our own daily needs but also to pad ourselves in comfort and luxury? I have to wonder. I'm not saying that all Christians should intentionally go and sell everything they own, make themselves homeless and go to the point of starvation just to experience the full awesomeness of God and to get to the point where we really know the joy of the Lord as our strength. I do think we should do some heavy reassessing of whether or not the joy of the Lord is our strength at all; or if our job, family, relationship, and comforts are our strength. Reality is these things are temporary and not even promised. God could remove any one of these things at any time. Personally, I would rather be in a place where I cling to these things lightly and to God tightly so that if that happens my world won't shatter beneath me.

As for the second song lyrics my biggest wondering was how much we are singing that song with a truly worshipful attitude. I live in a country with full religious freedom. I should be joyfully singing at the top of my lungs that Jesus is the name above all names, worthy of all praise and great. Yet so often we sing those lyrics half-heartedly, with a tinge of boredom and just a breath away from a yawn. I wonder what it would look like if my pursuit of God, if my church's pursuit of God, if American Christian's pursuit of God became so full on that we saw God for all that He really is...I wonder how that would affect our passion in singing these lyrics. I sure hope I get to find it.

A friendly reality check

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:15:00 +0000

My heart has been hearting a bit the past 2 weeks. It's not because of the high gas prices, the rising price of groceries, the bailout that didn't happen and then did, questions of where the economy is going or which president we will soon elect. None of those things at all actually. Rather my heart is hurting at everyone else's response to all of these things. There's so much talk about how everyone is fearful of the uncertainy of the future for America because of all the above listed circumstances. I'd like to invite you along for a friendly reality check. According to UNICEF 26,500-30,000 children die everyday due to poverty. And they're not doing it in America (maybe some but not most) but in a third world village which most of us try to ignore exists (after all if we know it exists we might just have to do something about it). UNICEF also numbers about a billion people that have entered the 21st century unable to read or write. In America the opportunity to learn these basic skills are there; we have just taken it completely for granted (by the way, the main reason people in 3rd world countries haven't learned these basic skills is because their income isn't going toward education but to that pesky thing called survival). The UN 2006 Human Development report points out that millions of women spend hours in a day collecting water (whereas in America we spend hours in a day wasting it). The number of children who died of AIDS in 2007 numbers 290,000 and mainly due to lack of funding to purchase the life saving anti-retrovirals. I'm only scratching the surface. I could give you enough stats to make this blog entry alone go on for pages. The reality is even with the somewhat shaky things that are occurring in the USA right now, very few (if anyone) reading this blog will have to worry about the things I just mentioned. My biggest fear is that in the midst of the disillusion about what "hard times" look like the people of this country who have the resources to make a change in the world will instead freeze up in unjustified fear and horde the very resources necessary to save a person's life. When I was in South Africa staring some ugly poverty in the face God presented a question to me that I'm now going to present to you: "Do I have a right to save for my future and therefore rob someone else of their now?". God has called us to love our neighbor (Matt 22:39), do unto the least of these (Matt 25:39-41), spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry, free the oppressed and captive, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless (Isaiah 58). And He didn't say to do it only when it looked like the economy was swinging in your favor. He simply said to do it. And for those of you who are still scared, He also said that if you did these things you would call for help and He would answer, He would satisfy your needs, strengthen your frame, and make you like a well-watered garden and spring whose waters never fail (Isaiah 58:9,11). Bascially we have no excuses. So what are you going to do with your fear now? Are you going to choose to continue to respond in fear to the current circumstances of our country? Or are you going to choose to follow the directives of God and trust that He'll hold up His end of the bargain? Hmmm. I guess this wasn't such a friendly reality check after all. Then again, poverty has never been a friendly problem.

Wish I had words!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:19:00 +0000

Some days I really wish I wasn't a non-verbal introvert. Ok so maybe I'm not completely non-verbal but when it comes to things that I really care about or am passionate about I can't seem to come up with adequate words to describe or explain what I'm thinking or have experienced. For those of you who know me, I guess you can consider this your warning for how I may do trying to unpack my 5 months in South Africa. Especially if you simply ask me "How was your trip?". Honestly, asking me to adequately answer that question right now is like trying to kiss your own elbow...can't be done. However, unlike the issue of trying to kiss my own elbow:), I really do want to be able to somehow convey what I've seen, heard, experienced and learned from God as a result of my time away. I think I'm asking you to be patient. Don't lose interest if the only answer I give you to the above question is "intense". I promise there is really more to share. I have a couple suggestions for how you can help me through the "unpacking" process. The first is to check in on my blog. I'm much better at writing how I feel. Then you can ask questions or make comments related to what I've written. The second suggestion is to ask specific questions. Asking me the very broad and painfully general question of "How was your trip" only puts an ulcer in my stomach thinking of how I'm going to respond. Your patience and help in this is greatly appreciated!

I know I've not been good about posting on here since I got back but that's because I don't have internet access at home. I hope to change that soon which will increase the likelihood that I'll be able to blog more. Thanks!!

Don't stop reading!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:37:00 +0000

Just wanted to let you all know that even though I'm back from South Africa the blogging won't stop. I'm finding this a good way of sharing with people who don't live near me what God has shown me. I won't be able to put that in this post (still processing) but just wanted to encourage you to keep checking in. Comments are always appreciated:) Thanks for your support!

Love, Amber

Family

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:32:00 +0000

So I'm down to my last 6 days here in South Africa. Half the time my mind has been spinning at how quickly time has gone by and the other half of the time my mind has been spinning at the knowledge of the beautiful friendships I have...old and new. I have old friends back home blessing me like crazy by making sure my house is clean and put together. I have new friends here who have treated me like family and encouraged me greatly through lots of struggles, and who have blessed me with their words regarding how God used me. It seems as if one of the big things God wanted to open my eyes to this year is the beauty of the body of Christ. When I first came to Indianapolis 8 years ago I was the type of person to sway towards fierce independence and even isolation. Nobody needed to help me with anything because if I let someone in on my deal they'll certainly mess it up. I'm so glad God hasn't let me get away with that way of living and thinking for too long. I definitely wouldn't have survived here in that mindset! Truth of the matter is the body of Christ is vital. We are in need of each other to laugh with, cry on, talk to (or verbally process if you're some of my friends;) ), build up, push forward, rebuke and discipline, break before, learn from and even depend on. I have been meeting a lot of people lately who have been expressing their deep love for the Church. In the recent past I've been a skeptic. After all, the Church is made up of a bunch of humans so how good can it really be? But I'm starting to fall in love as well. There's too much evidence of how my family in God has been necessary these past 5 months for me to deny that I need them.

Can I also share with you my heart in this? Though I'm not as skeptical now my heart does still hurt a bit. I mean, it's beautiful that people have been loving me so well but I'm also painfully aware that there are many in this world in desperate need of the same love and yet are still walking this life very much alone. I've blogged before about how there are enough financial resources for us all to take care of one another. God has been reinforcing to me lately that there are enough emotional resources for us to take care of one another as well. Can I ask you to just search your heart and your neighborhood for how you can be an emotional resource for someone? Maybe even be open to the possibility that God wants to move your neighborhood to another country to love on someone who otherwise would walk this life alone?

Just around the bend.

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 07:28:00 +0000

This weekend I visited with a couple who run an organization that LSA supports (Metro Ministries). I was actually spending time checking out the other organization they run called Project O. I'll get into more detail about the experience in another blog. There was something that struck me as we were riding in 4-wheelers to an out of the way part of the township. We were riding up a decently steep hill and I could see that at the top of the hill we would have to go around a bend in the road. Something told me that once we got around the bend there would be a breathtaking view on the other side. I wasn't disappointed. I was treated with a view of a beautiful valley, rolling hills and a dam. As I took it all in God spoke, as He often does to us when we're in the midst of His creation. I realized that this 45 second part of our drive and the view on the other side is quite representative of the past 5 months and the months to come. A lot of the time I've been here the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual demands have been similar to the work that goes into climbing up a hill...the process is sometimes slow, it gets tiring, seems never ending and at times you just want to stop altogether and be done with it. However, when you think about all the work you've done to get where you are, the thought of going back down doesn't seem acceptable either. So you keep plugging away and God is gracious to encourage you that there's something special at the end of the journey. As I'm winding down my stay (I'll be leaving South Africa exactly 1 week from today) I'm finding myself getting to the top of this hill. Thing is, the view isn't quite in site. I'm now approaching the bend. I'm not really sure what's around the bend but everything in me (meaning all the knowledge and evidence I have of a faithful God) tells me there's something beautiful coming. How ridiculous would it be to get to the top of the hill and stand at the beginning of the bend without at least peaking around the corner to see what surprises God has? I find this exciting (Ang, Katy, Melissa, Kelly, Amy and Elizabeth...you have full permission to remind me I wrote this when I start whining about how I don't know what I'm supposed to do next!). Dear reader, I don't know where you are on your journey. Maybe you're laboring up the hill...my encouragement is keep working and moving forward for God never fails to give us the strength and grace we need to get to the top. If you're just now approaching the bend...GO FOR IT! Tear around that corner with wreckless abandon to see what He has in store on the other side. And if you've already gone around the bend and are now taking in that breathtaking scene then take some time to just be in that sweet spot in His plan and be quick to glorify the One who always has beautiful things in store, just around the bend.

Grabbing on...

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 11:18:00 +0000

In my time here in South Africa God has given me some opportunities to build deep relationships with some beautiful women. He's also given me the opportunity to walk with them through some tough stuff (and using the word "tough" is a major understatement by the way). It's been frustrating at times. I'll think some major ground is being won and a breakthrough has occurred, and next thing I know it I'm seeing them take steps backwards. Sometimes the moving back is a direct result of their own choice to not do what it takes to get to a place of healing. I'll then wonder if any progress has been made, if maybe I've tricked myself into believing they ever moved forward. It can be quite frustrating and emotionally exhausting. Last night one of these ladies (who is going to make a major impact on the world around her once she is through her healing process) came to me to chat just a bit. She mentioned something that she's struggled with for years related to some scars from the past. We chatted a bit about how she can deal with that and how she can use the authority she has as a child of God to fight what the enemy is trying to do to her. Today I was thinking about that conversation again and I had a new glimmer of hope. Yes, the process most of these women are in toward healing is long, tedious and exhausting. Yes, it involves taking steps backward at times. At the same time, I felt God revealing to me that sometimes all any of us can do is grab on to even the smallest hope, the tiniest step forward, the most minute desire to be healed and over it. I began to see that even though these women have at times chosen to move backwards, there's still a part of them that's grabbing on to even the little bit of ground they've gained. So I've decided to grab on with them. I'm going to grab on to even the smallest signs that their desire is to be done with it and free to live the life that God really has for them. Because the reality is, someday they won't be merely grabbing on and holding on for dear life to what little they can. Someday they'll be taking great strides forward, conquering their fears and struggles, and leaving little bits of hope in their path for someone else to grab onto as they begin they're own healing process.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 AMEN!!

P.S.The photos of the women at the top are not meant to be connected with the women I referred to in this blog. I just wanted you to see more of the beautiful women God has placed in my life the past 4 months.

Shout Out

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:40:00 +0000

I just spent the evening with some amazing women. These women have overcome the toughest of life circumstances. They've endured things and situations that would make most people crumble in fear or lose hope. I can honestly say that they have a resilience that is inspiring. It springs from their faith that there is a God that loves them and has a plan for them. Even though they may have their moments of wondering how a loving God could've been present in the midst of some traumatic things, they choose to believe that He is the reason they have made it this far. They've seen evidence of His healing in their lives and that He has empowered them to use their trials to help those around them. Add to that they are all at least 3-5 years younger than me. I can't wait to see how much more amazing they are in another 3-5 years. They are truly going to be used to change the world around them.

Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 07:32:00 +0000

I just returned from a long weekend in the beautiful Drakensberg Mountains. Words can't express the beauty of this place so I've included a couple pictures. That's really not what this blog is about. This entry is about an encounter I had with one of the guests where I stayed. I stayed at a small guesthouse called the Antbear. It takes on about 10-12 guests at a time. All the guests eat together with the owners for breakfast and supper. This allows for some great conversations among the guests. One evening I was discussing with a newly arrived guest why I was here in South Africa and what I was doing. She had been to Africa before and seemed to have an idea of some of the cultural norms. She was asking me questions about the amount of violence here as well as if I thought people who attended the life skills courses WCA does really left changed. She made some comments about how people will hear things similar to what is taught in the WCA life skills courses but end up going back to life as usual when it's all said and done. As I look back I'm mortified to find that I agreed with her. Later that evening as I got ready for bed God spoke. He reminded me that He didn't send His Son Jesus to this earth to preach a message of hopelessness. Likewise, He didn't send me to South Africa to preach a message of hopelessness. After all, I've encountered so many of the staff at WCA who started out on a dead-end journey but now live changed lives that are marked with freedom and opportunity. They have been touched by God and are changing the generational norms that their families have held for so long. I know that I was too easily swayed by this woman's negativity. Too many in the world today view problems with skepticism. There's enough of that going around that it's time for those of us who know that there is hope to start getting more vocal. Yes, we live in a world with tough issues and people who are struggling and hurting. However, there are many of us that have been blessed financially, emotionally and even spiritually. We can all be used in many different ways to be the hope that many need as they walk through their struggles and trials. If you're wanting to know how you can be a messenger of hope I encourage you to check out the website for Loving South Africa (http://www.lovingsa.org/). They partner with many organizations here in South Africa that are light in the darkness and hope to those living here. You can be part of that quite easily. I'd like to leave you with a verse that I hope will encourage you as it has me.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

The Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 05:46:00 +0000

It's been a rough week or 2. I'm in the midst of some heavy hand to hand combat against some of my own personal demons. Things that have been a struggle for me since I was 16. So you can imagine that the battle isn't going to be an easy one. The problem is, these past 2 weeks I've been so consummed with the struggle that I've really let my emotions get the better of me. This has caused me to be not the most pleasant person to be around since when I'm really wrestling with something I withdraw, and if someone interrupts the reflection or withdrawing I don't always respond well. So as I talked with God this morning He pointed out how much I've missed out on with Him and where I'm serving because of this. The eye opener came as I was reading Psalm 54. Verse 7 says "For He has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my enemies." God showed me that it was time that I start approaching this personal battle with the mindset that I will have triumph over this particular enemy. Joshua 24:15 also came to mind: "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...". God is laying before me a choice. I can either choose to serve my emotions, discouragement and the struggle; or I can choose to serve the God who triumphs over all things and brings victory in the face of what at times looks like defeat. I must choose to serve either what is or the One who will make it what it can be (if that makes sense). So I'm going into this day making a choice. I know tomorrow or even later today the choice may be a bit harder to make since my emotions have never been an easy thing for me to have victory over, but I will make that choice to trust the One who triumphs nonetheless.

Prayers of the Righteous

noreply@blogger.com (Amber) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 06:04:00 +0000

I apologize that I've been a bit absent lately on posting something that relates to what I've been doing here at WCA. A big reason is there has been some heavy stuff going on here and I didn't quite know how to summarize so as to protect the privacy of those involved and prevent it from being 3 pages long! I still haven't completely decided how to do that so I guess we'll see how this goes:)

So basically the last couple weeks of May were quite bumpy. It's probably safest just to say that there's been a lot of heavy spiritual warfare going on here. I'm choosing to leave out all specifics, except to say God was leading me to fight alongside someone here going through some tough things. In some ways the spiritual warfare has been heavier than what I've ever had to deal with in a situation regarding another person. As I walked through some rough days God reminded me of the story of when the Israelites fought the Amalekites (Exodous 17:8-15). He showed me that my friend was Joshua doing the hand-to-hand combat against their own personal enemy (or the enemy). He then showed me that He had placed me in the part of Moses. Israel's success against the Amalekites was tightly linked to Moses holding his hands up. If his hands stayed up they were winning, if they started to go down they were losing. As my friend at times was too weak to fight the battles on their own, God called me to hold my hands up to Him in prayer for them. When I prayed prayers of boldness and authority my friend had the strength and endurance to continue to persevere against the enemy. The thing is, I'm human. Just as Moses got tired and started lowering his arms, there were times when I'd been in the thick of the battle for so long that my spirit started to get a tired as well. My thoughts would get distracted or I would flat out want to turn off my brain and emotions. That's when God showed me that those of you praying on behalf of me, LSA, and WCA represent Aaron and Hur. Aaron and Hur were side-by-side with Moses holding up his arms for him as he got tired. You all were side-by-side with me in prayer as my spirit got tired. The family of God is so tightly and intimately intertwined with one another. My friend couldn't fight on her own and needed me. My spirit got tired (or I was just plain clueless of what to do next!) and I needed you and the prayers you prayed. The problem is most of us don't realize how integral we are in one another's battles. We think that because we're not the one directly involved in the situation or even because we're on the other side of the world from the situation that there's nothing we can do. May I encourage you to stop downplaying your role in the world? There are heavy battles going on in the world we live in. Men and women are experiencing trauma and struggles that I pray to God you will never have to endure. Your strength, refreshed spirit and spiritual resources are not for nothing. They have power and they provide you with a very necessary role of standing in the gap. Won't you be diligent to seeking out how you can be part of someone else's fight? It's time to start believing James 5:16 to the fullest..."The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."