Music and Lyrics

We stand and lift up our hands.

For the joy of the Lord is our strength.

We bow down, and worship Him now.

How great, how awesome is He.

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Name above all names.

You are worthy of all praise.

My heart will sing how great is our God.

What's listed above are the lyrics to 2 songs I sang in 2 different churches this weekend. I've sung them both many times and, in all honesty, probably wasn't fully thinking about what I was singing. This time after I sang them I had some thoughts; especially for the first one listed above. As I listened to a man speak about his ministry to the homeless and forgotten in Toronto I began to wonder something. I began to wonder if the Christians who sing this song in very comfortable churches, with the temperature set just right, the padding on the chairs, good friends nearby and no fear of retaliation for worshipping God really understand what it means for the joy of the Lord to be their strength. Do we really understand how great and awesome God is when we're fully able to go out and make enough money not only to meet our own daily needs but also to pad ourselves in comfort and luxury? I have to wonder. I'm not saying that all Christians should intentionally go and sell everything they own, make themselves homeless and go to the point of starvation just to experience the full awesomeness of God and to get to the point where we really know the joy of the Lord as our strength. I do think we should do some heavy reassessing of whether or not the joy of the Lord is our strength at all; or if our job, family, relationship, and comforts are our strength. Reality is these things are temporary and not even promised. God could remove any one of these things at any time. Personally, I would rather be in a place where I cling to these things lightly and to God tightly so that if that happens my world won't shatter beneath me.

As for the second song lyrics my biggest wondering was how much we are singing that song with a truly worshipful attitude. I live in a country with full religious freedom. I should be joyfully singing at the top of my lungs that Jesus is the name above all names, worthy of all praise and great. Yet so often we sing those lyrics half-heartedly, with a tinge of boredom and just a breath away from a yawn. I wonder what it would look like if my pursuit of God, if my church's pursuit of God, if American Christian's pursuit of God became so full on that we saw God for all that He really is...I wonder how that would affect our passion in singing these lyrics. I sure hope I get to find it.

A friendly reality check

My heart has been hearting a bit the past 2 weeks. It's not because of the high gas prices, the rising price of groceries, the bailout that didn't happen and then did, questions of where the economy is going or which president we will soon elect. None of those things at all actually. Rather my heart is hurting at everyone else's response to all of these things. There's so much talk about how everyone is fearful of the uncertainy of the future for America because of all the above listed circumstances. I'd like to invite you along for a friendly reality check. According to UNICEF 26,500-30,000 children die everyday due to poverty. And they're not doing it in America (maybe some but not most) but in a third world village which most of us try to ignore exists (after all if we know it exists we might just have to do something about it). UNICEF also numbers about a billion people that have entered the 21st century unable to read or write. In America the opportunity to learn these basic skills are there; we have just taken it completely for granted (by the way, the main reason people in 3rd world countries haven't learned these basic skills is because their income isn't going toward education but to that pesky thing called survival). The UN 2006 Human Development report points out that millions of women spend hours in a day collecting water (whereas in America we spend hours in a day wasting it). The number of children who died of AIDS in 2007 numbers 290,000 and mainly due to lack of funding to purchase the life saving anti-retrovirals. I'm only scratching the surface. I could give you enough stats to make this blog entry alone go on for pages. The reality is even with the somewhat shaky things that are occurring in the USA right now, very few (if anyone) reading this blog will have to worry about the things I just mentioned. My biggest fear is that in the midst of the disillusion about what "hard times" look like the people of this country who have the resources to make a change in the world will instead freeze up in unjustified fear and horde the very resources necessary to save a person's life. When I was in South Africa staring some ugly poverty in the face God presented a question to me that I'm now going to present to you: "Do I have a right to save for my future and therefore rob someone else of their now?". God has called us to love our neighbor (Matt 22:39), do unto the least of these (Matt 25:39-41), spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry, free the oppressed and captive, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless (Isaiah 58). And He didn't say to do it only when it looked like the economy was swinging in your favor. He simply said to do it. And for those of you who are still scared, He also said that if you did these things you would call for help and He would answer, He would satisfy your needs, strengthen your frame, and make you like a well-watered garden and spring whose waters never fail (Isaiah 58:9,11). Bascially we have no excuses. So what are you going to do with your fear now? Are you going to choose to continue to respond in fear to the current circumstances of our country? Or are you going to choose to follow the directives of God and trust that He'll hold up His end of the bargain? Hmmm. I guess this wasn't such a friendly reality check after all. Then again, poverty has never been a friendly problem.

Wish I had words!

Some days I really wish I wasn't a non-verbal introvert. Ok so maybe I'm not completely non-verbal but when it comes to things that I really care about or am passionate about I can't seem to come up with adequate words to describe or explain what I'm thinking or have experienced. For those of you who know me, I guess you can consider this your warning for how I may do trying to unpack my 5 months in South Africa. Especially if you simply ask me "How was your trip?". Honestly, asking me to adequately answer that question right now is like trying to kiss your own elbow...can't be done. However, unlike the issue of trying to kiss my own elbow:), I really do want to be able to somehow convey what I've seen, heard, experienced and learned from God as a result of my time away. I think I'm asking you to be patient. Don't lose interest if the only answer I give you to the above question is "intense". I promise there is really more to share. I have a couple suggestions for how you can help me through the "unpacking" process. The first is to check in on my blog. I'm much better at writing how I feel. Then you can ask questions or make comments related to what I've written. The second suggestion is to ask specific questions. Asking me the very broad and painfully general question of "How was your trip" only puts an ulcer in my stomach thinking of how I'm going to respond. Your patience and help in this is greatly appreciated!

I know I've not been good about posting on here since I got back but that's because I don't have internet access at home. I hope to change that soon which will increase the likelihood that I'll be able to blog more. Thanks!!

Don't stop reading!

Just wanted to let you all know that even though I'm back from South Africa the blogging won't stop. I'm finding this a good way of sharing with people who don't live near me what God has shown me. I won't be able to put that in this post (still processing) but just wanted to encourage you to keep checking in. Comments are always appreciated:) Thanks for your support!

Love, Amber

Family

So I'm down to my last 6 days here in South Africa. Half the time my mind has been spinning at how quickly time has gone by and the other half of the time my mind has been spinning at the knowledge of the beautiful friendships I have...old and new. I have old friends back home blessing me like crazy by making sure my house is clean and put together. I have new friends here who have treated me like family and encouraged me greatly through lots of struggles, and who have blessed me with their words regarding how God used me. It seems as if one of the big things God wanted to open my eyes to this year is the beauty of the body of Christ. When I first came to Indianapolis 8 years ago I was the type of person to sway towards fierce independence and even isolation. Nobody needed to help me with anything because if I let someone in on my deal they'll certainly mess it up. I'm so glad God hasn't let me get away with that way of living and thinking for too long. I definitely wouldn't have survived here in that mindset! Truth of the matter is the body of Christ is vital. We are in need of each other to laugh with, cry on, talk to (or verbally process if you're some of my friends;) ), build up, push forward, rebuke and discipline, break before, learn from and even depend on. I have been meeting a lot of people lately who have been expressing their deep love for the Church. In the recent past I've been a skeptic. After all, the Church is made up of a bunch of humans so how good can it really be? But I'm starting to fall in love as well. There's too much evidence of how my family in God has been necessary these past 5 months for me to deny that I need them.

Can I also share with you my heart in this? Though I'm not as skeptical now my heart does still hurt a bit. I mean, it's beautiful that people have been loving me so well but I'm also painfully aware that there are many in this world in desperate need of the same love and yet are still walking this life very much alone. I've blogged before about how there are enough financial resources for us all to take care of one another. God has been reinforcing to me lately that there are enough emotional resources for us to take care of one another as well. Can I ask you to just search your heart and your neighborhood for how you can be an emotional resource for someone? Maybe even be open to the possibility that God wants to move your neighborhood to another country to love on someone who otherwise would walk this life alone?

Just around the bend.

This weekend I visited with a couple who run an organization that LSA supports (Metro Ministries). I was actually spending time checking out the other organization they run called Project O. I'll get into more detail about the experience in another blog. There was something that struck me as we were riding in 4-wheelers to an out of the way part of the township. We were riding up a decently steep hill and I could see that at the top of the hill we would have to go around a bend in the road. Something told me that once we got around the bend there would be a breathtaking view on the other side. I wasn't disappointed. I was treated with a view of a beautiful valley, rolling hills and a dam. As I took it all in God spoke, as He often does to us when we're in the midst of His creation. I realized that this 45 second part of our drive and the view on the other side is quite representative of the past 5 months and the months to come. A lot of the time I've been here the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual demands have been similar to the work that goes into climbing up a hill...the process is sometimes slow, it gets tiring, seems never ending and at times you just want to stop altogether and be done with it. However, when you think about all the work you've done to get where you are, the thought of going back down doesn't seem acceptable either. So you keep plugging away and God is gracious to encourage you that there's something special at the end of the journey. As I'm winding down my stay (I'll be leaving South Africa exactly 1 week from today) I'm finding myself getting to the top of this hill. Thing is, the view isn't quite in site. I'm now approaching the bend. I'm not really sure what's around the bend but everything in me (meaning all the knowledge and evidence I have of a faithful God) tells me there's something beautiful coming. How ridiculous would it be to get to the top of the hill and stand at the beginning of the bend without at least peaking around the corner to see what surprises God has? I find this exciting (Ang, Katy, Melissa, Kelly, Amy and Elizabeth...you have full permission to remind me I wrote this when I start whining about how I don't know what I'm supposed to do next!). Dear reader, I don't know where you are on your journey. Maybe you're laboring up the hill...my encouragement is keep working and moving forward for God never fails to give us the strength and grace we need to get to the top. If you're just now approaching the bend...GO FOR IT! Tear around that corner with wreckless abandon to see what He has in store on the other side. And if you've already gone around the bend and are now taking in that breathtaking scene then take some time to just be in that sweet spot in His plan and be quick to glorify the One who always has beautiful things in store, just around the bend.

Grabbing on...

In my time here in South Africa God has given me some opportunities to build deep relationships with some beautiful women. He's also given me the opportunity to walk with them through some tough stuff (and using the word "tough" is a major understatement by the way). It's been frustrating at times. I'll think some major ground is being won and a breakthrough has occurred, and next thing I know it I'm seeing them take steps backwards. Sometimes the moving back is a direct result of their own choice to not do what it takes to get to a place of healing. I'll then wonder if any progress has been made, if maybe I've tricked myself into believing they ever moved forward. It can be quite frustrating and emotionally exhausting. Last night one of these ladies (who is going to make a major impact on the world around her once she is through her healing process) came to me to chat just a bit. She mentioned something that she's struggled with for years related to some scars from the past. We chatted a bit about how she can deal with that and how she can use the authority she has as a child of God to fight what the enemy is trying to do to her. Today I was thinking about that conversation again and I had a new glimmer of hope. Yes, the process most of these women are in toward healing is long, tedious and exhausting. Yes, it involves taking steps backward at times. At the same time, I felt God revealing to me that sometimes all any of us can do is grab on to even the smallest hope, the tiniest step forward, the most minute desire to be healed and over it. I began to see that even though these women have at times chosen to move backwards, there's still a part of them that's grabbing on to even the little bit of ground they've gained. So I've decided to grab on with them. I'm going to grab on to even the smallest signs that their desire is to be done with it and free to live the life that God really has for them. Because the reality is, someday they won't be merely grabbing on and holding on for dear life to what little they can. Someday they'll be taking great strides forward, conquering their fears and struggles, and leaving little bits of hope in their path for someone else to grab onto as they begin they're own healing process.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 AMEN!!

P.S.The photos of the women at the top are not meant to be connected with the women I referred to in this blog. I just wanted you to see more of the beautiful women God has placed in my life the past 4 months.