The Blue Funk

Ever try to find a way to describe what you're feeling when you're depressed? Not always easy to do. I decided to go to a thesaurus and see what the synonyms for depression are. Despite the heaviness of this term some of the words were actually a little amusing. Here are some of them that made me smile...blahs, blowout, ennui (that's for you Cheryl), lugubriosity (who talks like this??), melancholia, vapors and (my favorite) blue funk. As much as I like the creativity of these terms they really don't describe how I personally feel when I'm depressed. Words or phrases that fit me are more in the lines of heavy, weary, mentally and emotionally exhausted, just trying to get through the day, under a cloud, not myself. The last one especially sums up what I'm thinking about how I feel. You may be asking why the gloomy choice of topic. Mostly because it's a very real struggle that God and I are walking through, but also because I know so many around me that are walking through it as well. I recently cried out to God about why this continued to be a struggle for me when I feel like I do all I can to submit my thoughts and emotions to Him. While I don't feel I've gotten a full answer on this I do know that in the depression have been some valuable lessons about my faith. I don't believe God means to allow me to walk through depression forever just so I will be humbled. I do believe that this struggle and how I handle the lows says a lot about my faith in Him. If I let the low moments take me to a place where all of a sudden God isn't so good after all and how dare He let me continue to go through this, then is it really faith in the first place? I would rather use this time to come to a place where I choose to believe that God is God of the highs and the lows; that all the junk I feel in those moments does not all of a sudden negate His goodness and faithfulness to me in the past; that there's continued purpose in the pain; and most of all that there will one day be freedom from it.