The Choice

It's been a rough week or 2. I'm in the midst of some heavy hand to hand combat against some of my own personal demons. Things that have been a struggle for me since I was 16. So you can imagine that the battle isn't going to be an easy one. The problem is, these past 2 weeks I've been so consummed with the struggle that I've really let my emotions get the better of me. This has caused me to be not the most pleasant person to be around since when I'm really wrestling with something I withdraw, and if someone interrupts the reflection or withdrawing I don't always respond well. So as I talked with God this morning He pointed out how much I've missed out on with Him and where I'm serving because of this. The eye opener came as I was reading Psalm 54. Verse 7 says "For He has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my enemies." God showed me that it was time that I start approaching this personal battle with the mindset that I will have triumph over this particular enemy. Joshua 24:15 also came to mind: "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...". God is laying before me a choice. I can either choose to serve my emotions, discouragement and the struggle; or I can choose to serve the God who triumphs over all things and brings victory in the face of what at times looks like defeat. I must choose to serve either what is or the One who will make it what it can be (if that makes sense). So I'm going into this day making a choice. I know tomorrow or even later today the choice may be a bit harder to make since my emotions have never been an easy thing for me to have victory over, but I will make that choice to trust the One who triumphs nonetheless.

Prayers of the Righteous

I apologize that I've been a bit absent lately on posting something that relates to what I've been doing here at WCA. A big reason is there has been some heavy stuff going on here and I didn't quite know how to summarize so as to protect the privacy of those involved and prevent it from being 3 pages long! I still haven't completely decided how to do that so I guess we'll see how this goes:)

So basically the last couple weeks of May were quite bumpy. It's probably safest just to say that there's been a lot of heavy spiritual warfare going on here. I'm choosing to leave out all specifics, except to say God was leading me to fight alongside someone here going through some tough things. In some ways the spiritual warfare has been heavier than what I've ever had to deal with in a situation regarding another person. As I walked through some rough days God reminded me of the story of when the Israelites fought the Amalekites (Exodous 17:8-15). He showed me that my friend was Joshua doing the hand-to-hand combat against their own personal enemy (or the enemy). He then showed me that He had placed me in the part of Moses. Israel's success against the Amalekites was tightly linked to Moses holding his hands up. If his hands stayed up they were winning, if they started to go down they were losing. As my friend at times was too weak to fight the battles on their own, God called me to hold my hands up to Him in prayer for them. When I prayed prayers of boldness and authority my friend had the strength and endurance to continue to persevere against the enemy. The thing is, I'm human. Just as Moses got tired and started lowering his arms, there were times when I'd been in the thick of the battle for so long that my spirit started to get a tired as well. My thoughts would get distracted or I would flat out want to turn off my brain and emotions. That's when God showed me that those of you praying on behalf of me, LSA, and WCA represent Aaron and Hur. Aaron and Hur were side-by-side with Moses holding up his arms for him as he got tired. You all were side-by-side with me in prayer as my spirit got tired. The family of God is so tightly and intimately intertwined with one another. My friend couldn't fight on her own and needed me. My spirit got tired (or I was just plain clueless of what to do next!) and I needed you and the prayers you prayed. The problem is most of us don't realize how integral we are in one another's battles. We think that because we're not the one directly involved in the situation or even because we're on the other side of the world from the situation that there's nothing we can do. May I encourage you to stop downplaying your role in the world? There are heavy battles going on in the world we live in. Men and women are experiencing trauma and struggles that I pray to God you will never have to endure. Your strength, refreshed spirit and spiritual resources are not for nothing. They have power and they provide you with a very necessary role of standing in the gap. Won't you be diligent to seeking out how you can be part of someone else's fight? It's time to start believing James 5:16 to the fullest..."The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

God celebrates me!

It's only 9am and already I've had such a great birthday experience. That's right, another year older today. Guess I need to change my profile:( As I had time with God this morning I recited Psalm 139. I was moved in a new way that the glorious, holy, majestic, righteous, infinitely loving, timeless and sovereign God that created all things was celebrating with me the day that marks the beginning of my existence on earth. I'm in awe of that reality today. What a beautiful thing. I hope I can continue to make this thought more of a reality in the lives of those God brings across my path for however long I'm here!

I'll let the Word do all the talking...

If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard hearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs. Be careful not to harbor this wicked thought: "The seventh year, the year for canceling debts, is near", so that you do not show ill will toward your needy brother and give him nothing. He may then appeal to the Lord against you, and you will be found guilty of sin. Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

Deuteronomy 15:7-11

Opposites

The Amber of Africa is living in a totally opposite world from the Amber in the USA. Let's start with how I wake up and go to sleep. That would be with 7 other girls in a bunk packed room. Stark contrast from my rather large bedroom back home that sleeps just me. Here, immediately hit with people interaction. Home, well I'll just let my co-workers tell you what it's like to encounter me at the very beginning of the day (my profuse apologies and gratitude for your patience Wiz rehab department). Here, most of the time I leave here only if someone is leaving as well (though this is improving). Home, I leave whenever I want. Here, I love running on hills! Home, avoid hills at all cost. Here, dependent on others for going out and getting around, to go for a run and for what I eat. Home, eat and run whenever I want. Here, I must hide to have my quiet time. Home, I can go just about anywhere and find a place to get uninterrupted quiet (or alone time). I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A CAT! Enough said.

Am I the problem or the solution?

A few weeks ago I visited a children's village (or orphanage) in a more rural part of where I'm staying. The building is rather small and has a total of 4 rooms: 2 bedrooms, a livingroom, and a kitchen. The kitchen has broken down cabinets and large bags of bread sit on the floor since there's no storage space. There's no bathroom or bathing area--the one toilet in the house is actually in the middle of the kitchen. There's one bedroom for girls where 8 girls sleep in 4 beds. The boys bedroom is even more cramped with 4 sets of bunks stacked 3 high, 2 boys to a bunk for a total of 24 boys in one tiny room. 32 kids (plus adults) squished into one tiny house. Some of the windows in the house have holes in the glass which is problematic for the coming winter and the cold nights it will bring. The roof leaks in multiple places, rats run freely, and there's no running water. My encounter with this place left my heart broken and quite convicted. The greatest conviction came in the knowledge that each of the needs I saw in this house could be easily met with the great deal of resources available in the USA. A larger house with more room and the proper utilities could be built with little to no sacrifice on the part of any one person. These kids could get clean water daily as well as all the food they need without most people I know (including myself) even feeling much of a change in their lifestyle. Yet what happens? We get caught up in buying a bigger this or more up to date that, we HAVE to try out that new restaurant up the street at $15+ a person, and don't even get me started on what we shell out to see a movie in the theater. All the while these 32 kids are living in below acceptable conditions. If one of these children were one of our own or if it was a grandchild, niece or nephew or little cousin, would we consider this an acceptable way for them to live? Would we not sacrifice or rethink where our money went? So why should it be different just because it's a child whose face we've never seen with a name we've never heard? I realize I'm asking harsh questions and implying some bold things. I'm feeling the full weight of how what I've seen is going to affect how I live my life (and since I'm proclaiming it to the world I'm openning myself to some accountability...whether I want it or not:) ). I'm inviting you to explore your wallet as I explore mine. I'm asking you to ask questions with me: Do I really need _________? Is it worth my money to eat out again this week (or month) when I could be investing it in a place of extreme need? How can I be reinvesting what I have to make a longer term impact instead of using it for the temporary pleasure of dinner and a movie? I by no means have this figured out when it comes to what's ok for me to spend my money on and what's extraneous. I just know that a majority of the time I spend my money on temporary things while others suffer. I know that I can't think back to what I've seen since I've been here and not consider I need to change and seek to be part of the solution. I welcome your thoughts, suggestions, comments and/or criticism on this topic!

No More Excuses

When we think of extraordinary people our minds usually turn to people like Mother Theresa, Ghandi, and Nelson Mandela. As we think of these people we tend to focus on the sacrifical lives they lived or their profound words of wisdom, and how gifted they were in touching the lives of many people. I don't know about you, but the next thought that usually follows for me is something on the line of, "Wow. I'm glad they had (or have) the gifts and abilities to serve people in this way because I don't have what it takes to do that." That last thought is pretty much a cop-out and excuse to keep living my same comfortable life. It's also an excuse that has been completely killed with an introduction to the life of a man named Sifiso. Sifiso lives in a rural area of a township called KwaNyuswa (about 15 minutes from where I'm staying). He lives in 1 room of an unfinished house that has dirt floors and glassless windows. He's been working on it since the 1990s. Is he lazy? What's he doing with his time anyway? (yes, those questions were a set-up:) ). Glad you asked. Seems his days are actually quite busy and focused on feeding the children in his community. He estimates that he feeds 300 children a day. For many of these kids the meal they get from him will be the only one that day. Some days he is unsure if he or the children will eat anything at all. By the way, did I mention that Sifiso is only 23 years old? I don't know about you but this fact both astonished and touched me deeply. This young man has the potential to further his education, work a good job and live a more comfortable life. Yet he forgoes finishing his own house to make sure the children in his community get a meal. He would rather make plans on how to expand his outreach and empower the small businesses of the women in his community than figure out how to buy the latest technology or trendy clothes. When asked why he's chosen this way of living his answer is clear: "When I feed these children I'm serving Jesus. It's the only way to live and I'll do it for the rest of my life." After meeting this man and seeing how he's chosen to live his life I had a realization. If such a young man can sacrifice his own desires to serve thouse around him in such a simple yet vital way, then I have no excuse. I don't have to aspire to the level of Mother Theresa or Ghandi. I just have to be willing to sacrifice my desire for extreme and usually unnecessary comfort to allow others around me to have their most basic of daily needs met. I can only encourage you to examine your lives with me and be willing to ask the painful question, "Am I willing to continue allowing others around me to suffer so I can live the life I want?".