Music and Lyrics

We stand and lift up our hands.

For the joy of the Lord is our strength.

We bow down, and worship Him now.

How great, how awesome is He.

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Name above all names.

You are worthy of all praise.

My heart will sing how great is our God.

What's listed above are the lyrics to 2 songs I sang in 2 different churches this weekend. I've sung them both many times and, in all honesty, probably wasn't fully thinking about what I was singing. This time after I sang them I had some thoughts; especially for the first one listed above. As I listened to a man speak about his ministry to the homeless and forgotten in Toronto I began to wonder something. I began to wonder if the Christians who sing this song in very comfortable churches, with the temperature set just right, the padding on the chairs, good friends nearby and no fear of retaliation for worshipping God really understand what it means for the joy of the Lord to be their strength. Do we really understand how great and awesome God is when we're fully able to go out and make enough money not only to meet our own daily needs but also to pad ourselves in comfort and luxury? I have to wonder. I'm not saying that all Christians should intentionally go and sell everything they own, make themselves homeless and go to the point of starvation just to experience the full awesomeness of God and to get to the point where we really know the joy of the Lord as our strength. I do think we should do some heavy reassessing of whether or not the joy of the Lord is our strength at all; or if our job, family, relationship, and comforts are our strength. Reality is these things are temporary and not even promised. God could remove any one of these things at any time. Personally, I would rather be in a place where I cling to these things lightly and to God tightly so that if that happens my world won't shatter beneath me.

As for the second song lyrics my biggest wondering was how much we are singing that song with a truly worshipful attitude. I live in a country with full religious freedom. I should be joyfully singing at the top of my lungs that Jesus is the name above all names, worthy of all praise and great. Yet so often we sing those lyrics half-heartedly, with a tinge of boredom and just a breath away from a yawn. I wonder what it would look like if my pursuit of God, if my church's pursuit of God, if American Christian's pursuit of God became so full on that we saw God for all that He really is...I wonder how that would affect our passion in singing these lyrics. I sure hope I get to find it.

A friendly reality check

My heart has been hearting a bit the past 2 weeks. It's not because of the high gas prices, the rising price of groceries, the bailout that didn't happen and then did, questions of where the economy is going or which president we will soon elect. None of those things at all actually. Rather my heart is hurting at everyone else's response to all of these things. There's so much talk about how everyone is fearful of the uncertainy of the future for America because of all the above listed circumstances. I'd like to invite you along for a friendly reality check. According to UNICEF 26,500-30,000 children die everyday due to poverty. And they're not doing it in America (maybe some but not most) but in a third world village which most of us try to ignore exists (after all if we know it exists we might just have to do something about it). UNICEF also numbers about a billion people that have entered the 21st century unable to read or write. In America the opportunity to learn these basic skills are there; we have just taken it completely for granted (by the way, the main reason people in 3rd world countries haven't learned these basic skills is because their income isn't going toward education but to that pesky thing called survival). The UN 2006 Human Development report points out that millions of women spend hours in a day collecting water (whereas in America we spend hours in a day wasting it). The number of children who died of AIDS in 2007 numbers 290,000 and mainly due to lack of funding to purchase the life saving anti-retrovirals. I'm only scratching the surface. I could give you enough stats to make this blog entry alone go on for pages. The reality is even with the somewhat shaky things that are occurring in the USA right now, very few (if anyone) reading this blog will have to worry about the things I just mentioned. My biggest fear is that in the midst of the disillusion about what "hard times" look like the people of this country who have the resources to make a change in the world will instead freeze up in unjustified fear and horde the very resources necessary to save a person's life. When I was in South Africa staring some ugly poverty in the face God presented a question to me that I'm now going to present to you: "Do I have a right to save for my future and therefore rob someone else of their now?". God has called us to love our neighbor (Matt 22:39), do unto the least of these (Matt 25:39-41), spend ourselves on behalf of the hungry, free the oppressed and captive, clothe the naked, and shelter the homeless (Isaiah 58). And He didn't say to do it only when it looked like the economy was swinging in your favor. He simply said to do it. And for those of you who are still scared, He also said that if you did these things you would call for help and He would answer, He would satisfy your needs, strengthen your frame, and make you like a well-watered garden and spring whose waters never fail (Isaiah 58:9,11). Bascially we have no excuses. So what are you going to do with your fear now? Are you going to choose to continue to respond in fear to the current circumstances of our country? Or are you going to choose to follow the directives of God and trust that He'll hold up His end of the bargain? Hmmm. I guess this wasn't such a friendly reality check after all. Then again, poverty has never been a friendly problem.

Wish I had words!

Some days I really wish I wasn't a non-verbal introvert. Ok so maybe I'm not completely non-verbal but when it comes to things that I really care about or am passionate about I can't seem to come up with adequate words to describe or explain what I'm thinking or have experienced. For those of you who know me, I guess you can consider this your warning for how I may do trying to unpack my 5 months in South Africa. Especially if you simply ask me "How was your trip?". Honestly, asking me to adequately answer that question right now is like trying to kiss your own elbow...can't be done. However, unlike the issue of trying to kiss my own elbow:), I really do want to be able to somehow convey what I've seen, heard, experienced and learned from God as a result of my time away. I think I'm asking you to be patient. Don't lose interest if the only answer I give you to the above question is "intense". I promise there is really more to share. I have a couple suggestions for how you can help me through the "unpacking" process. The first is to check in on my blog. I'm much better at writing how I feel. Then you can ask questions or make comments related to what I've written. The second suggestion is to ask specific questions. Asking me the very broad and painfully general question of "How was your trip" only puts an ulcer in my stomach thinking of how I'm going to respond. Your patience and help in this is greatly appreciated!

I know I've not been good about posting on here since I got back but that's because I don't have internet access at home. I hope to change that soon which will increase the likelihood that I'll be able to blog more. Thanks!!

Don't stop reading!

Just wanted to let you all know that even though I'm back from South Africa the blogging won't stop. I'm finding this a good way of sharing with people who don't live near me what God has shown me. I won't be able to put that in this post (still processing) but just wanted to encourage you to keep checking in. Comments are always appreciated:) Thanks for your support!

Love, Amber

Family

So I'm down to my last 6 days here in South Africa. Half the time my mind has been spinning at how quickly time has gone by and the other half of the time my mind has been spinning at the knowledge of the beautiful friendships I have...old and new. I have old friends back home blessing me like crazy by making sure my house is clean and put together. I have new friends here who have treated me like family and encouraged me greatly through lots of struggles, and who have blessed me with their words regarding how God used me. It seems as if one of the big things God wanted to open my eyes to this year is the beauty of the body of Christ. When I first came to Indianapolis 8 years ago I was the type of person to sway towards fierce independence and even isolation. Nobody needed to help me with anything because if I let someone in on my deal they'll certainly mess it up. I'm so glad God hasn't let me get away with that way of living and thinking for too long. I definitely wouldn't have survived here in that mindset! Truth of the matter is the body of Christ is vital. We are in need of each other to laugh with, cry on, talk to (or verbally process if you're some of my friends;) ), build up, push forward, rebuke and discipline, break before, learn from and even depend on. I have been meeting a lot of people lately who have been expressing their deep love for the Church. In the recent past I've been a skeptic. After all, the Church is made up of a bunch of humans so how good can it really be? But I'm starting to fall in love as well. There's too much evidence of how my family in God has been necessary these past 5 months for me to deny that I need them.

Can I also share with you my heart in this? Though I'm not as skeptical now my heart does still hurt a bit. I mean, it's beautiful that people have been loving me so well but I'm also painfully aware that there are many in this world in desperate need of the same love and yet are still walking this life very much alone. I've blogged before about how there are enough financial resources for us all to take care of one another. God has been reinforcing to me lately that there are enough emotional resources for us to take care of one another as well. Can I ask you to just search your heart and your neighborhood for how you can be an emotional resource for someone? Maybe even be open to the possibility that God wants to move your neighborhood to another country to love on someone who otherwise would walk this life alone?

Just around the bend.

This weekend I visited with a couple who run an organization that LSA supports (Metro Ministries). I was actually spending time checking out the other organization they run called Project O. I'll get into more detail about the experience in another blog. There was something that struck me as we were riding in 4-wheelers to an out of the way part of the township. We were riding up a decently steep hill and I could see that at the top of the hill we would have to go around a bend in the road. Something told me that once we got around the bend there would be a breathtaking view on the other side. I wasn't disappointed. I was treated with a view of a beautiful valley, rolling hills and a dam. As I took it all in God spoke, as He often does to us when we're in the midst of His creation. I realized that this 45 second part of our drive and the view on the other side is quite representative of the past 5 months and the months to come. A lot of the time I've been here the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual demands have been similar to the work that goes into climbing up a hill...the process is sometimes slow, it gets tiring, seems never ending and at times you just want to stop altogether and be done with it. However, when you think about all the work you've done to get where you are, the thought of going back down doesn't seem acceptable either. So you keep plugging away and God is gracious to encourage you that there's something special at the end of the journey. As I'm winding down my stay (I'll be leaving South Africa exactly 1 week from today) I'm finding myself getting to the top of this hill. Thing is, the view isn't quite in site. I'm now approaching the bend. I'm not really sure what's around the bend but everything in me (meaning all the knowledge and evidence I have of a faithful God) tells me there's something beautiful coming. How ridiculous would it be to get to the top of the hill and stand at the beginning of the bend without at least peaking around the corner to see what surprises God has? I find this exciting (Ang, Katy, Melissa, Kelly, Amy and Elizabeth...you have full permission to remind me I wrote this when I start whining about how I don't know what I'm supposed to do next!). Dear reader, I don't know where you are on your journey. Maybe you're laboring up the hill...my encouragement is keep working and moving forward for God never fails to give us the strength and grace we need to get to the top. If you're just now approaching the bend...GO FOR IT! Tear around that corner with wreckless abandon to see what He has in store on the other side. And if you've already gone around the bend and are now taking in that breathtaking scene then take some time to just be in that sweet spot in His plan and be quick to glorify the One who always has beautiful things in store, just around the bend.

Grabbing on...

In my time here in South Africa God has given me some opportunities to build deep relationships with some beautiful women. He's also given me the opportunity to walk with them through some tough stuff (and using the word "tough" is a major understatement by the way). It's been frustrating at times. I'll think some major ground is being won and a breakthrough has occurred, and next thing I know it I'm seeing them take steps backwards. Sometimes the moving back is a direct result of their own choice to not do what it takes to get to a place of healing. I'll then wonder if any progress has been made, if maybe I've tricked myself into believing they ever moved forward. It can be quite frustrating and emotionally exhausting. Last night one of these ladies (who is going to make a major impact on the world around her once she is through her healing process) came to me to chat just a bit. She mentioned something that she's struggled with for years related to some scars from the past. We chatted a bit about how she can deal with that and how she can use the authority she has as a child of God to fight what the enemy is trying to do to her. Today I was thinking about that conversation again and I had a new glimmer of hope. Yes, the process most of these women are in toward healing is long, tedious and exhausting. Yes, it involves taking steps backward at times. At the same time, I felt God revealing to me that sometimes all any of us can do is grab on to even the smallest hope, the tiniest step forward, the most minute desire to be healed and over it. I began to see that even though these women have at times chosen to move backwards, there's still a part of them that's grabbing on to even the little bit of ground they've gained. So I've decided to grab on with them. I'm going to grab on to even the smallest signs that their desire is to be done with it and free to live the life that God really has for them. Because the reality is, someday they won't be merely grabbing on and holding on for dear life to what little they can. Someday they'll be taking great strides forward, conquering their fears and struggles, and leaving little bits of hope in their path for someone else to grab onto as they begin they're own healing process.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 AMEN!!

P.S.The photos of the women at the top are not meant to be connected with the women I referred to in this blog. I just wanted you to see more of the beautiful women God has placed in my life the past 4 months.

Shout Out

I just spent the evening with some amazing women. These women have overcome the toughest of life circumstances. They've endured things and situations that would make most people crumble in fear or lose hope. I can honestly say that they have a resilience that is inspiring. It springs from their faith that there is a God that loves them and has a plan for them. Even though they may have their moments of wondering how a loving God could've been present in the midst of some traumatic things, they choose to believe that He is the reason they have made it this far. They've seen evidence of His healing in their lives and that He has empowered them to use their trials to help those around them. Add to that they are all at least 3-5 years younger than me. I can't wait to see how much more amazing they are in another 3-5 years. They are truly going to be used to change the world around them.

Hope

I just returned from a long weekend in the beautiful Drakensberg Mountains. Words can't express the beauty of this place so I've included a couple pictures. That's really not what this blog is about. This entry is about an encounter I had with one of the guests where I stayed. I stayed at a small guesthouse called the Antbear. It takes on about 10-12 guests at a time. All the guests eat together with the owners for breakfast and supper. This allows for some great conversations among the guests. One evening I was discussing with a newly arrived guest why I was here in South Africa and what I was doing. She had been to Africa before and seemed to have an idea of some of the cultural norms. She was asking me questions about the amount of violence here as well as if I thought people who attended the life skills courses WCA does really left changed. She made some comments about how people will hear things similar to what is taught in the WCA life skills courses but end up going back to life as usual when it's all said and done. As I look back I'm mortified to find that I agreed with her. Later that evening as I got ready for bed God spoke. He reminded me that He didn't send His Son Jesus to this earth to preach a message of hopelessness. Likewise, He didn't send me to South Africa to preach a message of hopelessness. After all, I've encountered so many of the staff at WCA who started out on a dead-end journey but now live changed lives that are marked with freedom and opportunity. They have been touched by God and are changing the generational norms that their families have held for so long. I know that I was too easily swayed by this woman's negativity. Too many in the world today view problems with skepticism. There's enough of that going around that it's time for those of us who know that there is hope to start getting more vocal. Yes, we live in a world with tough issues and people who are struggling and hurting. However, there are many of us that have been blessed financially, emotionally and even spiritually. We can all be used in many different ways to be the hope that many need as they walk through their struggles and trials. If you're wanting to know how you can be a messenger of hope I encourage you to check out the website for Loving South Africa (http://www.lovingsa.org/). They partner with many organizations here in South Africa that are light in the darkness and hope to those living here. You can be part of that quite easily. I'd like to leave you with a verse that I hope will encourage you as it has me.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

The Choice

It's been a rough week or 2. I'm in the midst of some heavy hand to hand combat against some of my own personal demons. Things that have been a struggle for me since I was 16. So you can imagine that the battle isn't going to be an easy one. The problem is, these past 2 weeks I've been so consummed with the struggle that I've really let my emotions get the better of me. This has caused me to be not the most pleasant person to be around since when I'm really wrestling with something I withdraw, and if someone interrupts the reflection or withdrawing I don't always respond well. So as I talked with God this morning He pointed out how much I've missed out on with Him and where I'm serving because of this. The eye opener came as I was reading Psalm 54. Verse 7 says "For He has delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my enemies." God showed me that it was time that I start approaching this personal battle with the mindset that I will have triumph over this particular enemy. Joshua 24:15 also came to mind: "...choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...". God is laying before me a choice. I can either choose to serve my emotions, discouragement and the struggle; or I can choose to serve the God who triumphs over all things and brings victory in the face of what at times looks like defeat. I must choose to serve either what is or the One who will make it what it can be (if that makes sense). So I'm going into this day making a choice. I know tomorrow or even later today the choice may be a bit harder to make since my emotions have never been an easy thing for me to have victory over, but I will make that choice to trust the One who triumphs nonetheless.

Prayers of the Righteous

I apologize that I've been a bit absent lately on posting something that relates to what I've been doing here at WCA. A big reason is there has been some heavy stuff going on here and I didn't quite know how to summarize so as to protect the privacy of those involved and prevent it from being 3 pages long! I still haven't completely decided how to do that so I guess we'll see how this goes:)

So basically the last couple weeks of May were quite bumpy. It's probably safest just to say that there's been a lot of heavy spiritual warfare going on here. I'm choosing to leave out all specifics, except to say God was leading me to fight alongside someone here going through some tough things. In some ways the spiritual warfare has been heavier than what I've ever had to deal with in a situation regarding another person. As I walked through some rough days God reminded me of the story of when the Israelites fought the Amalekites (Exodous 17:8-15). He showed me that my friend was Joshua doing the hand-to-hand combat against their own personal enemy (or the enemy). He then showed me that He had placed me in the part of Moses. Israel's success against the Amalekites was tightly linked to Moses holding his hands up. If his hands stayed up they were winning, if they started to go down they were losing. As my friend at times was too weak to fight the battles on their own, God called me to hold my hands up to Him in prayer for them. When I prayed prayers of boldness and authority my friend had the strength and endurance to continue to persevere against the enemy. The thing is, I'm human. Just as Moses got tired and started lowering his arms, there were times when I'd been in the thick of the battle for so long that my spirit started to get a tired as well. My thoughts would get distracted or I would flat out want to turn off my brain and emotions. That's when God showed me that those of you praying on behalf of me, LSA, and WCA represent Aaron and Hur. Aaron and Hur were side-by-side with Moses holding up his arms for him as he got tired. You all were side-by-side with me in prayer as my spirit got tired. The family of God is so tightly and intimately intertwined with one another. My friend couldn't fight on her own and needed me. My spirit got tired (or I was just plain clueless of what to do next!) and I needed you and the prayers you prayed. The problem is most of us don't realize how integral we are in one another's battles. We think that because we're not the one directly involved in the situation or even because we're on the other side of the world from the situation that there's nothing we can do. May I encourage you to stop downplaying your role in the world? There are heavy battles going on in the world we live in. Men and women are experiencing trauma and struggles that I pray to God you will never have to endure. Your strength, refreshed spirit and spiritual resources are not for nothing. They have power and they provide you with a very necessary role of standing in the gap. Won't you be diligent to seeking out how you can be part of someone else's fight? It's time to start believing James 5:16 to the fullest..."The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

God celebrates me!

It's only 9am and already I've had such a great birthday experience. That's right, another year older today. Guess I need to change my profile:( As I had time with God this morning I recited Psalm 139. I was moved in a new way that the glorious, holy, majestic, righteous, infinitely loving, timeless and sovereign God that created all things was celebrating with me the day that marks the beginning of my existence on earth. I'm in awe of that reality today. What a beautiful thing. I hope I can continue to make this thought more of a reality in the lives of those God brings across my path for however long I'm here!

I'll let the Word do all the talking...

If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard hearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs. Be careful not to harbor this wicked thought: "The seventh year, the year for canceling debts, is near", so that you do not show ill will toward your needy brother and give him nothing. He may then appeal to the Lord against you, and you will be found guilty of sin. Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

Deuteronomy 15:7-11

Opposites

The Amber of Africa is living in a totally opposite world from the Amber in the USA. Let's start with how I wake up and go to sleep. That would be with 7 other girls in a bunk packed room. Stark contrast from my rather large bedroom back home that sleeps just me. Here, immediately hit with people interaction. Home, well I'll just let my co-workers tell you what it's like to encounter me at the very beginning of the day (my profuse apologies and gratitude for your patience Wiz rehab department). Here, most of the time I leave here only if someone is leaving as well (though this is improving). Home, I leave whenever I want. Here, I love running on hills! Home, avoid hills at all cost. Here, dependent on others for going out and getting around, to go for a run and for what I eat. Home, eat and run whenever I want. Here, I must hide to have my quiet time. Home, I can go just about anywhere and find a place to get uninterrupted quiet (or alone time). I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A CAT! Enough said.

Am I the problem or the solution?

A few weeks ago I visited a children's village (or orphanage) in a more rural part of where I'm staying. The building is rather small and has a total of 4 rooms: 2 bedrooms, a livingroom, and a kitchen. The kitchen has broken down cabinets and large bags of bread sit on the floor since there's no storage space. There's no bathroom or bathing area--the one toilet in the house is actually in the middle of the kitchen. There's one bedroom for girls where 8 girls sleep in 4 beds. The boys bedroom is even more cramped with 4 sets of bunks stacked 3 high, 2 boys to a bunk for a total of 24 boys in one tiny room. 32 kids (plus adults) squished into one tiny house. Some of the windows in the house have holes in the glass which is problematic for the coming winter and the cold nights it will bring. The roof leaks in multiple places, rats run freely, and there's no running water. My encounter with this place left my heart broken and quite convicted. The greatest conviction came in the knowledge that each of the needs I saw in this house could be easily met with the great deal of resources available in the USA. A larger house with more room and the proper utilities could be built with little to no sacrifice on the part of any one person. These kids could get clean water daily as well as all the food they need without most people I know (including myself) even feeling much of a change in their lifestyle. Yet what happens? We get caught up in buying a bigger this or more up to date that, we HAVE to try out that new restaurant up the street at $15+ a person, and don't even get me started on what we shell out to see a movie in the theater. All the while these 32 kids are living in below acceptable conditions. If one of these children were one of our own or if it was a grandchild, niece or nephew or little cousin, would we consider this an acceptable way for them to live? Would we not sacrifice or rethink where our money went? So why should it be different just because it's a child whose face we've never seen with a name we've never heard? I realize I'm asking harsh questions and implying some bold things. I'm feeling the full weight of how what I've seen is going to affect how I live my life (and since I'm proclaiming it to the world I'm openning myself to some accountability...whether I want it or not:) ). I'm inviting you to explore your wallet as I explore mine. I'm asking you to ask questions with me: Do I really need _________? Is it worth my money to eat out again this week (or month) when I could be investing it in a place of extreme need? How can I be reinvesting what I have to make a longer term impact instead of using it for the temporary pleasure of dinner and a movie? I by no means have this figured out when it comes to what's ok for me to spend my money on and what's extraneous. I just know that a majority of the time I spend my money on temporary things while others suffer. I know that I can't think back to what I've seen since I've been here and not consider I need to change and seek to be part of the solution. I welcome your thoughts, suggestions, comments and/or criticism on this topic!

No More Excuses

When we think of extraordinary people our minds usually turn to people like Mother Theresa, Ghandi, and Nelson Mandela. As we think of these people we tend to focus on the sacrifical lives they lived or their profound words of wisdom, and how gifted they were in touching the lives of many people. I don't know about you, but the next thought that usually follows for me is something on the line of, "Wow. I'm glad they had (or have) the gifts and abilities to serve people in this way because I don't have what it takes to do that." That last thought is pretty much a cop-out and excuse to keep living my same comfortable life. It's also an excuse that has been completely killed with an introduction to the life of a man named Sifiso. Sifiso lives in a rural area of a township called KwaNyuswa (about 15 minutes from where I'm staying). He lives in 1 room of an unfinished house that has dirt floors and glassless windows. He's been working on it since the 1990s. Is he lazy? What's he doing with his time anyway? (yes, those questions were a set-up:) ). Glad you asked. Seems his days are actually quite busy and focused on feeding the children in his community. He estimates that he feeds 300 children a day. For many of these kids the meal they get from him will be the only one that day. Some days he is unsure if he or the children will eat anything at all. By the way, did I mention that Sifiso is only 23 years old? I don't know about you but this fact both astonished and touched me deeply. This young man has the potential to further his education, work a good job and live a more comfortable life. Yet he forgoes finishing his own house to make sure the children in his community get a meal. He would rather make plans on how to expand his outreach and empower the small businesses of the women in his community than figure out how to buy the latest technology or trendy clothes. When asked why he's chosen this way of living his answer is clear: "When I feed these children I'm serving Jesus. It's the only way to live and I'll do it for the rest of my life." After meeting this man and seeing how he's chosen to live his life I had a realization. If such a young man can sacrifice his own desires to serve thouse around him in such a simple yet vital way, then I have no excuse. I don't have to aspire to the level of Mother Theresa or Ghandi. I just have to be willing to sacrifice my desire for extreme and usually unnecessary comfort to allow others around me to have their most basic of daily needs met. I can only encourage you to examine your lives with me and be willing to ask the painful question, "Am I willing to continue allowing others around me to suffer so I can live the life I want?".

Graves of the Forgotten

Last Thursday I was at Makaphutu. That's the children's village (or orphanage) that I stayed at when I came to South Africa in November. As I walked into the house we stayed in I experienced that wonderful nostalgia that you get when you're encountering something tangible that represents good memories. Kind of like when you smell a shampoo that your mother used to use on you when she gave you a bath and you quickly remember the warmth, protection and love you felt when you were little. Unfortunately there was also a not so pleasant memory I experienced on that visit as well. You see, about a quarter of a mile away on a hill (and in line of sight of Makaphutu) sits a house. In the front yard of this house is a grave site. To the naked eye it's just a bunch of mounds of dirt used to cover the dead. The story behind it is far worse. The reality is within each grave lies multiple bodies (10, 20, 30?) of those who represent the forgotten. Human beings who died alone, left this life unclaimed, and then were carelessly dumped in a hole so as to be "properly" disposed of. No individual burial site to indicate that a unique human being rested there. No grave marker to show this person had their own identity. No one to mourn them or the life experiences they did not live long enough to enjoy. During this visit to Makaphutu there was a delivery of bodies which included children. I can't help but weep at the fact that these who are supposed to be outside playing carelessly, enjoying the deepest of belly laughs that only kids can experience, and daydreaming the impossible were at that moment being dumped in a grave with not a single parent to stand there and grieve over their loss. It's just not fair. What's even more unfair is the diseases that caused their deaths were likely treatable but the financial resources just weren't there to give them what they needed. There's nothing so inexcusable as the end of life that could've been very easily prevented. It's hard for me to convey with words just how heartbreaking this is to me. I hope you can at least get a picture of the tragedy this grave site represents and allow yourself to weep as well.

Bonus

Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.


Hebrews 13:3

What were you doing?

At 6am this morning (well, 6am if you live in Indiana) while you were sleeping, the people you see in this picture were standing in a long line in the sun, hoping that what awaited at the other end would lead to a job. Not a career that would bring about passion, excitement to get up in the morning and the means to fulfill at least some of the other passions we have in life. Simply a job that would provide them a means for living for 5 weeks and maybe a bit beyond. World Changers has spent the past several days assisting a staffing agency with filling a recent mass number of job openings. Today we were at the agency helping to get people registered in order to make the process easier for the staffing agency that will actually place them. This involved standing in the sun for hours handing out forms and educating those who didn't know on what World Changers is all about. At the beginning of our time there, when I was realizing just what a hot day it was going to be I started complaining a bit in my head. "This is going to be a long day in the hot sun. I'm going to be so burned." Then I got a nice little reminder from God. All these people were going to have to suffer in the sun so they could get a job. Why did I think I was above suffering with them? After all, when Isaiah 58 calls me to "loose the chains of injustice...set the oppressed free...and to satisfy the needs of the oppressed", it doesn't add the caveat "And ye shall work for the unjustly treated and oppressed but only to the extent that you would like to suffer. Thou shalt feel free to quit the work when ye are getting a bit too uncomfortable". That made a huge difference in my attitude for the day. God, help it to stick.

Joy comes in the morning...

I wish I could put into words the loveliness and peace of this morning. Last night it rained. It was the first big rain since I arrived. Nothing unremarkable, just your typical downpour and then a steady rainfall. Yet as I sat outside this morning, it felt as if something was different compared to other mornings. Somehow things look greener. There was a soft breeze and a nice stillness broken only by the sounds of the birds. Even those sounds seem to have a calm about them. Everything seems refreshed. It's as if all creation senses the change, and with the refreshment a restful calm has settled on everything. It brings such calm to my own spirit this morning. With the ache I felt deep in my spirit yesterday as I struggled with something, it's almost as if God sent His own refreshing rain to wash away the build-up of sadness, false thoughts and insecurities so I could once again get to the surface where His presence and deep love can be seen and felt again. The only possible outcome of this can be peace and rest. Thank You God.

All in how you see things.

This is Fortune. He works at World Changers and will be facilitating life skills courses in the townships. I had a great conversation with him ast night about where he's come from and where he's going. He told me that he used to be heavily into gambling (by playing pool) and at some point began seeing that the life he was living was quite fruitless and without purpose. Then he attended a World Changers life skills course and later the leadership course and his suspicions were confirmed. He realized that God had more of a purpose for him than gambling to make a living. Now Fortune wants to be able to help others see they have a purpose as well. In particular he hopes to work with people with diabilities. As he talked about this vision of his, he said something that struck me. He said, "There is more than just physical disability. Everyone has some kind of a disability. There's something wrong inside all of us." I decided to find an official definition for the word disability. There were multiple definitions I chose 2. The first says this: state of being disabled; deprivation or want of ability; absence of competent physical, intellectual, or moral power, means, fitness, and the like. Another definition states: A disadvantage or deficiency...that interferes with or prevents normal achievement in a particular area. What I liked about this definition is that it mentioned "moral power". I couldn't agree more with Fortune that each one of us has some sort of diability within ourselves that interferes with or prevents normal achievement in a particular area of our lives. That could mean a person is unable to achieve all their goals at their job because of absence of mental or physical competency, or that they're unable to achieve peace in their lives because of a disadvantage of a bad life experience such as abuse. I also strongly believe that the only One who is able to turn our diability into ability is God. Over the past few years I've seen God take my own diability of depression (and some of the bad decisions that played a role in it) and turn it into the ability to encouarge others as they walk through depression. It's taught me how beautiful God is as a redeemer. Fortune views his life in this way as well. I love it. I know God is going to use him to be a great encouragement to many!

P.S.Yes, I know the picture is sideways but what would seem like an easy thing to fix really wasn't because Africa is messing with my computer a bit. So, just pretend like you're cocking your head as if you're confused and you'll be able to see it better:)

Ever wonder where "the middle of nowhere" or "the end of the road" are? Well, I found out tonight. They're both in South Africa!

The Ugly Side

Being in an unfamiliar situation where you're forced out of your comfort zone can sure bring some ugly things out of a person. I have only one day under my belt and already I've seen something gross coming out. I hesitated to even blog about this but as my blog site is named "Bare Naked Truth" I didn't want to be a hypocrite or picky on what things I allowed myself to be "naked" about. So here goes. I'm seeing that I'm a very territorial person. (Right now my co-worker who used to be my desk neighbor is laughing as she reads this. She's seen some lovely, subconscious actions that show this trait in me.) Here's the situation that brought it out. I'd only been at WCA for about an hour and already someone was asking to borrow my camera. My first reaction "I don't know them. What if they're careless and break it?" I fought this instinct and let them borrow it, my insides curling as I watched them carry it away, out of my line of protective sight. Not long after I ended up where my camera had been taken. As I saw others using it and taking pictures the 4 year old inside of me screamed "That's mine!". Luckily the Holy Spirit is inside of me and was bringing conviction to these thoughts and I kept my thoughts to myself. This little lesson has made it abundantly clear that there's some grip loosening that needs to happen in the area of what I own. In reality, it's all God's anyway and I'm just borrowing it for a while. Who am I to not share what God has blessed me with? This issue of being territorial along with materialism is one that those of us in the USA (or any first world country) struggle heavily with. I'm seeing more and more what an oppressive thing this is. I'm grateful for this opportunity God is giving me to learn to loosen my grip on the things of this world that are temporary.

Arriving

Things I love about travelling:
1)Empty seats next to you on the plane to stretch out and sleep.
2)Tylenol PM
3)Enough movies to watch to last you 3 plane trips from D.C. to Jo-burg
4)Meeting new people.
5)Weather that's more amazing and beautiful than where you left (let's just say sunny, no clouds in the skies and 70s for temps...sorry Indy people)

Things I fear:
1)Not being able to communicate clearly enough to those you need help from.
2)Beating your luggage to your destination.

Yep, I'm currently living off of the things in my carry-on which is not a lot. Luckily I'm in an area where I can buy anything I need but I hate the thought of having to buy things I know I already own. It's things like this that teach me how to handle the inconveniences of life. There's a good chance there will be a lot of those in the coming days and weeks so I guess it's good to learn early on how to handle them. I'm hoping for a new handle on this by the time I return to Indy.

Tomorrow I will be at World Changers, which is where I'll be staying over the next 5 months. I look forward to getting acquainted with my surroundings and the people I'll be sharing life with. Stay tuned for more updates...

Weeping and Rejoicing

"I started the work weeping, I finished rejoicing."

(Written on a Babylonian cornerstone.)

I love this quote. I feel that it's a summary of the past few years of my journey. Due to some choices, events, life circumstances, etc. I went through quite a struggle starting 3 years ago. As I went through that time there was most certainly a great deal of weeping, and plenty of times when I wondered if there would be a day my face wouldn't feel the warmth of salty tears. But, as Psalm 30:5 says "...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." I started the work of refinement, analyzing decisions I'd made, and repenting of times I tried to step in the way of what God was doing with weeping. I finished that work rejoicing in God's faithfulness to walk with me; marvelling at His redemption of all the bad decisions I'd made; resting in His love of the person He created me to be (and not the person I sometimes fear people see). Last week in church Bill (our missions pastor) made the comment that God not only restores those things within us that are broken, He makes them better than they were before they were ever broken in the first place. I thought about that statement in light of my life and I'm so grateful to see the truth in it. I'm so grateful to see the weeping turn to rejoicing!

The Blue Funk

Ever try to find a way to describe what you're feeling when you're depressed? Not always easy to do. I decided to go to a thesaurus and see what the synonyms for depression are. Despite the heaviness of this term some of the words were actually a little amusing. Here are some of them that made me smile...blahs, blowout, ennui (that's for you Cheryl), lugubriosity (who talks like this??), melancholia, vapors and (my favorite) blue funk. As much as I like the creativity of these terms they really don't describe how I personally feel when I'm depressed. Words or phrases that fit me are more in the lines of heavy, weary, mentally and emotionally exhausted, just trying to get through the day, under a cloud, not myself. The last one especially sums up what I'm thinking about how I feel. You may be asking why the gloomy choice of topic. Mostly because it's a very real struggle that God and I are walking through, but also because I know so many around me that are walking through it as well. I recently cried out to God about why this continued to be a struggle for me when I feel like I do all I can to submit my thoughts and emotions to Him. While I don't feel I've gotten a full answer on this I do know that in the depression have been some valuable lessons about my faith. I don't believe God means to allow me to walk through depression forever just so I will be humbled. I do believe that this struggle and how I handle the lows says a lot about my faith in Him. If I let the low moments take me to a place where all of a sudden God isn't so good after all and how dare He let me continue to go through this, then is it really faith in the first place? I would rather use this time to come to a place where I choose to believe that God is God of the highs and the lows; that all the junk I feel in those moments does not all of a sudden negate His goodness and faithfulness to me in the past; that there's continued purpose in the pain; and most of all that there will one day be freedom from it.

Freedom or Oppression...

"Sometimes we stay in the known oppression because we're afraid of the unknown freedom."
This is a statement my pastor made in church this morning that really got my wheels turning. Well, it's pretty close to what he said anyway. As I go through this process of putting my life on hold for the next 5 months I see how I fit in with that statement. For the past couple years I've been very restless in my spirit. Though I love my job I've sensed that a bit of change from it might be beneficial. A few years ago if you told me I'd be leaving Indy and my church for this length of time I'd say "No thanks, I'm just fine where I'm at." Yet during this period of restlessness I've found that I'm actually just fine with leaving these places I love for a little while. Up until the past couple weeks that is. As exciting as it is to go on this adventure, as amazing as the opportunity to work with an organization with men and women who love the Lord and want to serve those who are broken and hurting, and as much as I'm anticipating the beautiful relationships I'll get to build there's a part of me that wants to stay in the places that not long ago I was ready to leave. Why? Because putting the life you've known for 8 years on hold is challenging. Doing what God calls you to do is not about to go without resistance. It's just not easy. Yet do I really want to stay in the oppression of restlessness and miss out on the freedom of the plan God has for me for this year? In my rational moments that's an easy question to answer. The trick is committing to it in my not so rational moments. God and His plans are worthy of my commitment regardless of how I'm feeling.